My only function is the one God gave me.
Salvation is a total commitment. If I practice this lesson with any other idea in mind, then I am missing the point. I am being asked to review and reaffirm my decision to wake up. If I am simultaneously holding other goals – professional, personal, whatever – then I am not devoted to my salvation. It’s an all-or-nothing game.
I’ve written a fair amount about this subject. It seems to come up a lot for me – one of those thoughts that surfaces and resurfaces as you read the text and practice the lessons. There’s good reason for that, too. Total and utter commitment is an easy idea for me to write or talk about. It has proven much harder in application.
My mind is undisciplined. It wanders from the past to the future. It dwells on fantasy. The present moment and reality seem to be its enemies, yet the Course assures me that no peace – no meaningful helpfulness – is available outside of the Holy Instant and the Truth it contains.
More and more I realize that I don’t have to solve problems – I have to let them go. This struck me with real intensity yesterday when I understood – and was able to consistently put into practice – the idea that my happiness and my function are one and the same. When something difficult or challening arose, my first inclination was to try and fix it – either by reasoning through it, or understanding it, or manipulating it somehow.
My second thought was: this is conflict and so I’m going to let it go. Lisa Natoli is great on this subject. You make a decision to let go of conflict. That’s all. That decision breeds happiness the way the sun breeds light.
And letting go of conflict isn’t hard – thinking about it is hard. But letting it go – you just let go. I would get antsy about this or that issue and then think, you know what? I’m just not going to worry about it. And I deliberately shifted my thinking to some subject that made me happy. I put my trust implicitly in my happiness. It is a trustworthy barometer!
Please don’t think I’m saying I’ve got it down perfect. I don’t. It’s a sort of back-and-forth process. Little steps. I have to remember to let go. I have to remember that my function is forgiveness and that forgiveness makes me happy. Today I learn that it’s going to a back-and-forth process until I accept that there is no other goal but this.
It always arrives as a little shock, seeing how little one has to do. There is such love and positive energy out there and it sustains and nurtures us but what it doesn’t do is force itself on us. Our efforts neither establish nor secure it. And – for me anyway – when I am in that space, what boosts me out is the sneaky desire to make it mine! It’s as if wanting it for this body only is the surest way to lose it.
I have been deeply grateful for the lessons lately, and for the Course. The undoing is both intense and relieving. Yet the peace for which a Course in Miracles aims seems to be more and more pervasive. I go about in hope, if not happiness. And being both hopeful and happy, I am truly helpful. It is as if at long last I am learning that there really is a better way and I am on it.