Shooting Star

A friend writes about the chaos in his life, a room made empty by his daughter’s absence, remnants of Christmas gifts in it, reminders of how painful life can be, nothing but a few phone calls, all that distance and loneliness compounded by what we won’t share . . .

Where is God? Where am I?

Good questions. Out walking, just cold enough for a frost to bear me crackling over the muddy fields beneath so many stars I was dizzy looking at them, I realized I have been working too hard. No, not too hard, but wrongly, with a focus on gain, money. Nothing wrong with making a living, with providing, but undertaken without love it’s merely greed. No wonder my own brain has been spinning, my body tired.

Turned quickly at the forest to come back, wanting the old routine – foregone now three or four days – of devotion and prayer, then words like these, which I love for no reason but that they are here for me, lift me a little, bear me out of that vortex of self pity and drama. A shooting star split the sky for what seemed forever, pale smoke behind it, making me smile. Not God in the Heavens sending me a sign, shooting stars, but God in my mind saying, Maybe this will work . . .

All that is required to see the face of Christ – that interior radiance that obliterates linearity – is a little willingness, maybe some simple prayers. What was it C. say in class the other day, student turning the tables to become the teacher, briefly? You have to see past the flowers, past the geese, and then you really see. . .

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Marya March 25, 2010, 4:22 am

    It occurs to me that it is easier to see the divine in combination — a tree with the moon and a hawk over it, etc. Perhaps when the geese and the flowers form just the right tableau, our vision becomes less blind to the oneness?

  • Sean March 25, 2010, 9:52 am

    That’s an interesting idea, the divine gaining in clarity through combination. The one thing reflecting the other? I’m enjoying the idea lately there is nothing, no world and no bodies, just what I project out of mind . . . I made the shooting star because I needed validation, a signal that my decision to lay off work and lay on spirit again was right.

    In class we were talking about what Jesus meant by “consider the lilies. . . ” (kind of seen through the lens of Mary Oliver) and struggling with the idea that, okay, sure let’s just all be lilies or geese but then how do we pay our electric bill? And one student said – kind of out of the blue – we have to look past the flowers and the animals to the essence, the spirit that infuses them, and that’s what Jesus (and Mary Oliver and Emily Dickinson) want us to see and emulate. . . Flower is form for the content we really need.

    What if that spirit that infuses is all there is and the rest of the world is noise and light that we name and by naming lose, cut ourselves off of, etc.

    p.s. I didn’t make it to the comments because I followed your link elsewhere – but yeah, Stupak is a typical Catholic mysognist. One of the great secrets of the Catholic Church is the power of its sisters – I could tell you stories, but nuns are what’s going to save that sick and getting sicker institution, if it’s going to be saved.

  • Marya March 25, 2010, 1:02 pm

    Sean, you must read “The Elegance of the Hedgehog”, you absolutely must!
    These are the same ideas I have been exploring myself lately, particularly as they apply to knowledge gained through scientific method. Buddha said that both preachers and scholars are blind, in the way that the blind men understand the elephant. This partial vision is what engenders struggle with one another.
    Today’s poem and a recent post on my “hidden” blog both explore this.
    Glad you enjoyed the Kirtan. The next one is on April 15th.

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