What do I have to give to Jesus?
What does Jesus want?
Or are those the wrong questions?
An Advent journey ends at the manger in Bethlehem, with a gift for Jesus. But what if it doesn’t?
What if, halfway to Bethlehem, one of the wise men falls in love and bails on the journey?
What if we stumble and don’t make it in time? Or get lost? The desert is vast and the trail faint.
What if – halfway to Bethlehem – we realize that we don’t actually need to get to Bethlehem? Jesus is everywhere all the time! Or we change our mind altogether? I’m going to be a Buddhist after all!
What is a good question and what is a distraction?
It is clear to me and has been for a while that our minds have to change. I don’t mean change as in swap in a new set of tapes – listen to Rupert Spira instead of Ken Wapnick or whatever.
Nor do I mean changed as in, become more optimistic or less jealous.
I mean that the tendency of a mind to coalesce around identity, where identity is yoked to a body in culturally-conditioned ways – that has to change.
In my experience, minds can change at deep levels. I am a better listener today than I was twenty years ago; there is a lot more space for you and your story. I see reason for hope.
Mind is pliable and creative. In my experience – contra Ken Wapnick and other neo-Platonic thinkers and teachers (I really need to write about this) – it is not separate from the world or the body.
Driving home yesterday (through snow squalls and fading light – it really does feel like winter) Chrisoula and I talked about the form of relationship (any relationship that intends to be holy rather than special) in terms of its capacity to extend Love on terms and conditions others recognize.
That is the change of mind I think we are being called to consider and – through acceptance – create together.
We were happy servants all evening.
Yet in soft dreams – a kind of gold light, a kind of gentle drift – I continuously heard a voice warning me not to become casual or comfortable. It was as if I were about to fall again for a familiar lie, and the voice didn’t want that to happen.
I woke thinking: the goal is to awaken, not fall into a cozier sleep. The happy dream is less dream. Therefore, be alert; be vigilant.
And came downstairs to write.
Part of my Advent writing process is apparently to start writing and then – at a juncture that announces itself as “almost finished” – go outside with my coffee and poke around.
This morning I was barefoot on the porch which was dusted with snow. The stars were so clear and bright that parts of me melted on the spot. I prayed a little, hopping from one foot to the other, laughing at what an idiot I can be, and yet how happy.
It’s good to laugh at ourselves. It’s good to laugh.
Back inside, finishing the writing and making a second cup of coffee, I turned to Jesus and asked: what do I have to give you? What do you want?
And the question was so silly! I laughed at it. Happiness is a kind of light; laughter a kind of prayer. Is it possible I arrived at Bethlehem early? With Chrisoula last night in the car as we talked? Or after, as we happily quietly kept house for the Lord?
Or maybe this morning outside – so eager to see the stars and say good morning to Jesus – that I forgot to put shoes on? In December? In snow?
What am I asking that’s already been answered?
And: is there something I should ask that I haven’t yet?
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Thank you for this post. It sparked some pondering over morning coffee. (For the record, it’s pretty nippy here in sunny Florida, but I’m not standing barefoot in snow…yet. 😉)
In my experience, I’ve meandered along the spiritual path, taking in the sights, so to speak. As a very young child, pre-organized religion, I think my experience of God/Truth was the purest. Then the world intervened. There were a lot of years of Catholicism. Many years of various flavors of spirituality. But I’m not an “organized” kind of person. I’m more a rebel. So, I’ve cobbled together truth from various places and practices, realizing recently that my willingness to find it was what opened me to the guidance that shined a light on it.
Only now do I see the purity of my connection in childhood and the “shoulds” of the world side by side. I attempt to keep to one lane, but occasionally find myself veering over the line into the other lane. And that’s not the danger some would have us believe. Sometimes we veer out of fear and this gives us an opportunity to recalibrate. Sometimes we veer with intention because we see a brother in need of some love.
For me, it hasn’t been meaningful to enter into metaphysical debates of whether mind, body, world are connected or separate. But for as long as I still move in the dream, regardless of what the reality of my being is, I interact with the world, with other bodies, to extend love. Despite what some religions say, I don’t think God/Jesus/Holy Spirit need or demand anything from me. When I scream out in my sleep, they are the ones gently patting my shoulder…wake up, it’s just a dream.
Your use of the word “warning” got my attention. I sometimes experience those “warnings” when things are feeling a bit too cozy. But I have to ask myself, does the Holy Spirit warn? What would be the need since we are not in any danger and He can recalibrate like a holy GPS when we make choices that are not purely loving. So, is that warning just my ego doing its best impersonation?
Maybe the “goal” is an intermingling of your two ideas and we “fall into a cozier awakening.” Perhaps awakening isn’t meant to be a violent shaking from a nightmare. Do I need to be more alert, more vigilant, or does my little bit of willingness get me where I’m going?
All of these questions end up being personal ones and depend on how we perceive, where we are on our path, how we define the terms we use…denotation, connotation. Are we literal or do we see metaphors wherever we look? This is all part of the fun of the journey.
And yes, LAUGHTER. Deep, belly laughs. In early adulthood, I walked into a priest’s office and saw, for the first time, the picture of “Jesus Laughing.” It made me deeply uncomfortable at the same time as it tickled me beyond belief. I had to reconcile the seriousness of the Jesus I had learned about in organized religion with this new lighthearted Jesus.
Your final question “is there something I should ask” led me to four more that you know well:
What would you have me do?
Where would you have me go?
What would you have me say?
And to whom?
Whenever I start thinking too much, those four always get me back on track.
Thank you, Sean, for another thought-provoking post. I am so grateful for this experience. <3
@Margaret, Do I know you from somewhere lady? 😂😂
You seem a bit familiar. 😘
Thank you, Margaret. Florida! For some reason I imagined you out west.
Yes, I think the Holy Spirit warns us about things – that is my experience anyway. It is kin to dialogue with a therapist, and gentle warnings are often in line with that space. But I can see how somebody might frame “warn” differently. And yes, our relationship with the Holy Spirit is intimate and personal. It takes the shape – and uses the language – most helpful to us at whatever juncture we happen to be.
But I don’t know if that voice in the dream was the Holy Spirit! I didn’t say that because I don’t know. I found it kind of puzzling, especially after a night of happy dialogue and hanging out with Chrisoula. Could’ve been ego. Could’ve been an angel I haven’t gotten to know yet.
In general, I agree that awakening need not be violent shaking from a nightmare, but I am also careful about deciding in advance what awakening or any other spiritual experience is going to be or feel like or whatever. But I think it’s like the HOly Spirit – it assumes the form that works for us in the context we find ourselves in.
Honestly, I think for me this post mainly falls into the category of “don’t take yourself too seriously, Sean” which is almost always good advice 🙂
I’m grateful for this experience as well – and really appreciate your sharing.
~ Sean
Laughter is a gift ! Last week I was miserable and in so much pain with a horrible rash that would not stop itching day or night. So Friday I went to the doctor and he offered no solution, only said to come back if it continues.
After, I went to a coffee shop to meet a friend. I showed up fulfilled with anxiety and worry and my friend was in shock, because I am normally the stable one. Well, in the next hour I ended up reporting to her all the tyrannical thoughts and strange behaviours I had been exhibiting lately, and she started laughing and could not stop , to the point where she was crying and almost rolling on the floor laughing. I too started laughing at myself, my crazy mind thoughts, and the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth at times. I had not belly laughed that hard in a long time….it felt like it changed me, lifted me up, beyond fears. The strangest thing is, by the time I left the coffee shop an hour later my rash was completely gone, no itch, no pain, gone.
With the help of my friend I had physically healed through laughter. The laughter lifted both of us up beyond the fear of the world to rest in love and miracles. But, more than the physical healing I was given the gift of a glimpse beyond the limited mind. As I acknowledge and give thanks for each glimpse received more are given, which helps me travel lighter in the world.
Thank you Sean for reminding me to laugh today!
I LOVED your story, Glenda, and very much relate to it.
@Glenda wow that is so powerful and so good ánd funny. I totally believe that laughter can take us to a higher place in our mind and because of that healing effect it can even instantly cure. I wrote my comment to Sean’s before I read your comment but I think we are totally on the same page. Love this👌🏻😂💕
Thank you for sharing this Glenda! It made me very happy. I think laughter is so so important. I often watch sitcoms as a form of healing – laughter always feels like I am carrying God in my belly or something like that. I also really appreciate how you got to the laughter with a friend. Friendships like that are precious.
The laughter mattered a lot for me this morning. As I said to Margaret elsewhere in this thread, this post feels a bit like it’s title could be “don’t take yourself too seriously, Sean.” Always good advice 🙂
And I’m glad you feel better – thank you again for being here and sharing.
~ Sean
I can so relate to those questions that come up, because I had a whole bunch in my journaling as well this morning! Not a surprise I found you had questions in your writing as well. And another synchronicity……You write: “It’s good to laugh at ourselves. It’s good to laugh.” This is exactly what the Holy Spirit was urging me to do in a situation this morning. And…I have a post Substack post on the ready for next week which is all about joy, laughter and not taking things here so seriously. Not in the way of avoiding what is difficult, but more in the way that real laughter and joy are rooted in love and that that is one of the best things in this world. Plus, it absolutely helps to get the mind into the right place, away from the ego and it can help so much in joining with others.
Isn’t the Holy Spirit one of the funniest characters you have ever met? Jesus as well. I always have lots of fun with them and they tell jokes via me often that I could not have come up with myself.
Today I need the laughter to stay out of ego trouble and I need to keep writing about it in my journal. I will get to the bottom of this. But first I have to go to bed. Thanks again for all of what you share with us Sean, it is so valuable and with the synchronicities I know I am on the right track too and that I heard the HS correctly. Love, valentine
Thanks, Valentine. I’m glad. And I’m looking forward to your post. Yes – very much – I’ve been saying that a couple times in this thread: I could have titled this post, don’t take yourself so seriously, SEan. I think that was the point of the morning laughter – just what a goof I can be and yet there is still so much love around and I am held and supported and it just felt like a great big silly joke for which all I could do was laugh and be grateful.
~ Sean
Hello sean. I hear you too as well as see you. I thought you were Advent writing was a good idea and it would be a good idea for me to do also. Well, lol, it turns out I’m not doing it so I’m very glad that you are cuz I really need to read you during this Advent season. Thank you brother all is well
Thanks for being here Rebecca! And no worries about not writing or journaling. When it works it works and when it doesn’t, it still works. I’m grateful that you read what I write and it helps me stay faithful to the wordy practice. We are in this together, whatever form the unity takes.
Thanks again, Rebecca 🙏🙏
~ Sean
Your bare feet in snow, forgetting to put shoes on, made me smile and then took me to a favourite poem “The Opening of Eyes” by David Whyte
… to extend love on terms and conditions others recognise.
That’s my problem as an other, not recognising Love. When I dictate what Love is and how it should show up, when I put conditions on Love, make it conditional on my … comfort ?
First, Amanda, thank you for sharing that poem. I have never read it before and it was magnificent. If anybody else wants to take a gander, it’s here.
Second, thank you for that amazing statement of your “problem as an other.” That is such an incredible way to think about relationship – not seeing ourselves as primary WITH an other but rather AS the other.
I mean, yeah. That’s exactly it – when I decide in advance what love should look like, I am thinking of my comfort. I am thinking that I want to be reassured, or held, or encouraged, or coached or snuggled or whatever. The conditions I place lock the other out because now, whatever they do, it won’t be what I have decided counts as Love. It’s a form of sabotage.
But the thing you’re doing – which I really really admire – is reflecting on this issue AS the other. It seems to shift the focus in helpful ways. It absolutely – like ABSOLUTELY – confounds the ego in me.
Amanda, thank you. I’m really glad you’re here.
~ Sean