The Easy Peace of Relationship

Every relationship in which we find ourselves is an aspect of the One Relationship, which is God’s relationship to Creation in Creation as Creation. Therefore, every relationship is an opportunity to remember our shared innocence and to become happy together in a way that invites God to “take the last step” (e.g., T-17.II.4:5).

We perceive each apparent relationship – with a co-worker, a friend, a neighbor, a writer we admire – as personal and local. We’re in it! And yet, seen clearly, the relationship also invokes the whole cosmos and all reality. The sun and the rain, the roads and the cities, the past and the future. Every relationship touches everything else in the cosmos and everything in the cosmos touches it.

In a holy relationship, all we want for the other is the freedom to remember their own self as they are – as we all are – in Creation. We trust the relationship to reveal precisely what we need to teach and learn at any given time. There is no pressure; there is nothing to control. We simply give attention.

In my study and practice, in my experience, one way to approach creating and living in a relationship that is harmonious with holiness and the Will of God, is to focus on making the relationship as easy as possible for the other. Focusing on the other – their needs, their modes, their expression – is an opening through which holiness can flow.

If we both do this – if I try to make things easy for you and you try to make things easy for me – then a new space opens. The relationship expands. It opens up into a calm space, a quiet space and also a living space. In it, something happens that saves us and the world. We realize there is no separation anywhere.

I am not personally very good at this! I am good at talking about it. I am good with the theory, but the theory has to sugar out in application, in practice, and that’s harder. Tara Singh studied closely with Helen Schucman and she said over and over to him, the course is meant to be lived.

So a big part of our practice is keeping a critical focus on the thought patterns and belief systems that make it hard for us to make things easier for one another. Assumptions, biases, desires, secrets, fears, fantasies. All of it. That stuff happens naturally but the course invites us to go beyond it. Is there a way to be in relationship that is not contingent on the body and the brain? On society? A Course in Miracles suggests there is. The course reimagines our humanness at a deep – even a radical – level, beyond the body, beyond the brain and beyond the world.

The commitment to bringing forth holiness means bringing the relationship to a happy place, which means an equitable place, a balanced place. It’s not about perfection but presence. It’s about giving attention in order to enable the grounding threads of service and mutual aid. We want to help each other, in the exact way the other needs our help. No more and no less.

When our relationship is in a happy place, we remember what we are in truth. We remember that we are extensions of Creation, in Whom Creation completes Itself as Love. Together we are Christ; that was always Jesus’s message and the focus of his program. Let us remember we are Christ; let us be the light by which we all remember together that we are Christ.

Really, “Christ” is a word we use to indicate a state of openness and receptivity. In the state we name “Christ,” there are no strangers. The binds that yoke us to a lifetime of social and physical conditioning loosen and soften. Separation is seen as an error that can be corrected.

Simplicity clarifies the way of correction. That is my experience. We are easily distracted. Shiny objects, exotic ideas, feelings of comfort and bliss. None of these things are bad in and of themselves but they’re also not the way, the truth and the light. They are distractions, drawing our attention away from our intention and practice of remembering Christ. They keep us entangled with separation rather than relationship.

In simplicity, beyond the reach of preference and privilege, we perceive the fundamental neutrality of all things. We understand that meaning is given by either ego or the Holy Spirit and that it’s up to us which one to listen to. The secret to salvation is that we are doing this to our selves, and can choose another way.

Distance, differences and conflict are the hallmarks of listening to ego. But the Holy Spirit teaches us how to recognize ourselves, and recognize the will we share with one another, and through each other, with God. It teaches us that separation (distance, differences and conflict) is an appearance born of a confused sense of self-identity and that there is another way.

When we remember God’s Love, and remember that we are loved by God, here and now, the other way naturally shows itself. It is given.

Love is natural. Creation happens. Holiness is contagious.

In my practice, I did not know what Love was until I made a firm commitment to nonviolence. Jesus was clear about this. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also” (Luke 6:27-29). When his disciples utilize violence, they are rebuked (Luke 9:22).

Nonviolence was a countercultural teaching then and it remains one today. We are not called to love some of our enemies but all of them. We are not called to be mostly peaceable but entirely peaceful, even unto death on a cross. Nobody believes that; nobody wants to believe that.

But I did not know what Love was until I made the commitment to living nonviolently. I was awful at it and in many ways I still am. But I was given more than I gave up. Even just trying to live nonviolently taught me how to let go of anger and hatred, guilt and fear. I came into direct contact with those feelings, and the belief systems that sustain them, and was shown a way to be liberated from the toxicity of all of them.

The truth is, I am responsible for peace and justice and happiness. But also, responsibility is a collaborative process and only works when we each accept and fulfill our role in relationship. So when we are making things easier for one another, we are also practicing nonviolence with one another.

I wish I could say that I was more graceful with respect to all of this. Nonviolence is difficult – shockingly so sometimes. But, for me, it is the way. At least knowing that – knowing I’ve found the means – allows me to stop seeking other paths or practices. I can commit. Commitment is a limitation in a sense – it closes doors – but it does allow us to dwell in new possibility. We can focus differently. I am grateful for that.

This is not necessarily about big and dramatic actions; it is not about brag-worthy accomplishments. The world is not saved by individual heroes but by folks who choose to work cooperatively for sustainable happiness and peace, and a modest abundance that excludes nobody. Separation is a practical problem with a spiritual solution.

This means I am responsible for bringing every relationship to holiness. And, again, a really effective way to do that is to devote myself to making the relationship easier for you. Maybe that means we need to give each other space, maybe it means I need to go to therapy, maybe it means you need to do the dishes more often. I don’t know. The form adjusts to the specific teaching and learning need being expressed.

I know that if I ask the Holy Spirit how to help, I will be answered, and the answer will be clear. It will not be subject to debate. When you know, you know. The Holy Spirit does not increase confusion or passivity. The Holy Spirit is about clarity and application. The course is meant to be lived.

That’s the work, then. I want to be present to the relationship where it is in order to perceive its potential for happiness and peace. The call to service is inherent in us. Our brothers and sisters always tell us what they need. But we have to ask: we have to give attention. We have to be present.

“We have to be present.” In the end, that is the simplest and clearest way to make things easier for one another: simply be present. Open eyes and hands, open mind and heart. We say yes to the invitation to heal and together are made holy.