0 The Mirage
Yesterday, shoveling a path to the horses – following tracks in the snow my daughters had made earlier – I was visited by God.
What do I mean by this?
1 The Oasis
Many years ago, during my first run-through of the ACIM lessons – some time after the devastation wrought by Lessons 79 and 80 – I was visited by God.
It was two or three a.m., late January, and I was sitting alone on the porch watching snow and the moonlight couple in a luminous – an ethereal – way. I was lonely – I am often lonely – but also happy.
I was happy because I was grateful for the beauty, grateful for the idea of God, and grateful for the way it all somehow coalesced in me. “It’s enough,” I whispered. And I meant it. In that moment, it was enough.
The world disappeared then, and there was only God. I’m not allowed – because I wouldn’t know how – to say more about that. I don’t know how long the moment lasted but I know exactly how it ended: I called it mine.
As soon as I tried to possess it, the moment was gone. I did not experience that grace again for almost thirteen years.
2 The Desert
When I remember that God is both the absence of difference AND everything signified BY difference, then something opens up in me and God pours through. Light pours through.
By “light” I mean the light in which everything – including darkness, including abstractions like math and philosophy – actually appears.
By “God” I mean that from which this light emerges and into which it returns.
The rule is, you can’t claim the experience because the law is, you don’t control the experience.
Which in application sugars out as, you don’t even understand the experience, maybe stop making up rules and laws for it?
3 The Mirage
In A Course in Miracles, we say that “God takes the final step.” It means that we get ourselves to the place where God can reach us, and that’s it. We don’t get to decide the when, where or anything else. God takes the final step.
Therefore, all that matters is readying myself. And the way I do that is by giving attention to the One Relationship presently still manifesting as many relationships, including ours.
The many relationships all point to the One Relationship. The One Relationship points to God. That’s what I know. I was shoveling snow, halfway between the horses and the house, and I was visited by God.
When the moment of unity ended – because I found in it an absence, yours – I was sad and lonely. When will Love finally come to stay?
Snow flurries whirled in the cold air; sunlight turned them prismatic.
“Soon,” you whispered across the precise distance fear insists we keep. “Not yet,” you whispered. “But soon.”
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Sean, I know we can’t chase the experience. I can’t make up rules and laws for it either. We get what we get when we get it. No matter how much I think I need it.
About 10 years ago I was in a particularly spectacular yoga class on the green lawn of 5 star resort on a cliff overlooking the ocean at sunrise (it was a work thing) when I asked, “will I ever have that experience of being pure Love?” And the response I heard was, “yes, but when you do, it will be permanent.”
That timing may be true or untrue. It truly doesn’t matter. But I sure am glad to read about your visits. Because they are also my visits. I just got to skip the sitting in the cold and shoveling snow part. So, thank you.
Thanks Claudia – I’m glad you could skip the cold and shoveling snow. Yoga it’s not!
And yes, absolutely – all visits of God are shared with all of us.
~ Sean
Hi Sean,
This is exceptionally well written and fully inspired by God. You can feel that immediately. It absolutely communicates a profound message deep down, in a sacred soul-space that’s difficult to articulate. But insofar as it can be spoken or written, it’s glimmered here in your post.
I have my own visitations from God that needed expression and you’ve helped me on the road to achieving that. I also took a fresh look at ACIM 79 and 80, discovering they were exactly what I needed at this particular point in my life.
Of course they were. Because our connections as Children are real.
Thanks again. Blessings and holy light to you!
Oh yes – the connection is very real! I’m glad the post was helpful and steered you to those lessons. They are very powerful and I am deeply grateful for them. Thank you for being here 🙏🙏
~ Sean
Your words this morning were Majestic, they catapulted to me into silence and your experience was my experience. 🙏🙏🙏
Yes 🙏🙏
Soon is good. Soon is enough.
It is! It took me a long time to learn that – and I still need gentle reminders from time to time – but yes. It is.
Thank you Nancy 🙏🙏
~ Sean
Your experiences are a beacon to me. Reminding me to be still and know that I am God. My auto correct kept deferring to Good instead of God. I think that’s also God telling me something. Thank you. God bless you our brother.
Autocorrect is not wrong! Yet another tool the Holy Spirit can use to nudge our minds away from fear and towards love. Thanks for being here and sharing Bernie – we are in this together 🙏🙏
~ Sean
This post was pure poetry. At once heartwarming and heartbreaking. It wasn’t really about unrequited love but somehow that’s how it sort of felt. Maybe that’s just the closest emotional frame of reference I have for it right now, except there was also this light. Definitely a winter light. This poem also reminded me of part of the reason why I adore this season. I’m often lonely, too. Maybe the real comfort here is in the reminder that, be that as it may, I’m not alone. Thanks for being here, Sean.
Thank you, Dan. It definitely came from the part of my heart and mind that orient towards poetry and what must be said but cannot be said in word. Silence is the hardest part. Loneliness for me is an effect of unexamined hurt and I am lately called to look at that more closely. Perhaps the winter light will be gently revelatory in this regard. You aren’t alone and neither am I – together we are creating a path out of fear and towards love. We’ll get there, and we won’t be alone when we do 🙏🙏
~ Sean
… If I could just get outa the way
amen sister 🙂
I had an experience too. It was unexpected and “crushing” (all-encompassing). I was listening to music and my mind was opened with the thought: God is everywhere and God is love. Then it was over. It never happened again, but I never forgot that ecstasy. Something did indeed open up, and God poured through. Thank you, Sean, for helping me remember that “I am one Self, united with my Creator”.
You’re welcome, Susan! Those experiences are such precious gifts. I’m too greedy with them. I hear in your post the wisdom of, accept what is given and don’t be distracted by craving. It’s a real struggle for me – thank you for sharing and helping me find the next step 🙏🙏
~ Sean
This brought me tears to my eyes and waves of goosebumps. I’ve had this experience, more than once, but never as intense as the first time, which lasted almost an hour. I was literally going through the motions of being in this world…but I most assuredly was “somewhere else” entirely. I didn’t expect it; I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t do anything to merit such a visitation nor anything that might cause it to happen…it just…HAPPENED.
“The world disappeared then, and there was only God. I’m not allowed – because I wouldn’t know how – to say more…”
It was an experience that transcended words…and anything and everything else. The “coming down” part was slow and gentle, yet it came in spite of my wish that it would forever stay. It had never occurred to me why it had to go. And then you said,
“I called it mine. As soon as I tried to possess it, the moment was gone.”
[Now] “all that matters is readying myself. And the way I do that is by giving attention to the One Relationship presently still manifesting as many…”
This post is magical, mystical…so inspired and directed I could almost FEEL the breath of God in each and every word. Thank you so much for this. I loved loved loved loved LOVED this piece Sean!
Thank you for the kind words, Donna – I needed to hear them. There is a nexus between those experiences – that pure light, that pure love – and the relationships that are illuminated and expanded IN that light. I’m learning about that right now, and it’s a process. Thank you for helping steady me – and for reminding me I am not alone. I sometimes think more than anything that’s all we need to remember: we are not alone.
🙏🙏
~ Sean