The rule is, don’t lie. And related to that is the understanding that I don’t always know when I’m lying.
This game we are playing – this work we are doing – is not for the faint of heart.
“Lying” is a bad word because of its moral and negative connotations. “Fantasy” is better. As in, when I write, the reader is always a fantasy, and the fantasy is always a defense against love.
That’s what I don’t want to say this morning. That’s what I don’t want to see.
People sometimes object to “fantasy,” on grounds that is can have positive connotations. It’s good to fantasize, it’s a way of seeing what we want. And anyway, who doesn’t daydream?
But I am saying something different. I am saying that when I write in and from that fantasy, I don’t see you at all. I see a process at work in me and I see its product, the sentences and lines that emerge on the page, some of which will survive the later cull named “rewriting.”
I hear you saying: so you’re focused on the writing, so what?
But no. I am focused on healing and the writing serves that focus. It has to or the writing becomes part of the problem – it becomes part of the illusion of separation.
Ihe writing serves the healing.
When writing serves healing the rule is, don’t lie, so I won’t: I don’t know you really but I do want your attention. I do want you to praise me. I do want you to argue with me. I do want you to say that you’ll be back to read tomorrow and the next day.
None of those “wants” are crimes against God or nature. But they do point at a perception of myself that is not complete without you, and that is a lie.
Believing that hurts me and you.
It hurts me because it allows me to remain in behavioral cycles that don’t make me happy. And it hurts you because it refuses to allow you to be the God-lit, God-created self that you naturally and perfectly are.
When we only see the other in relation to our own narrative, our own story, our own drama – then we are not really seeing them.
People are allowed to help of course but we are not allowed to demand their help or insist it take some specific form.
Relationship – true relationship – is when our whole existence is based on the other’s liberation from ego and all ego’s systemic effects (which are the world).
Holy relationship is when we intentionally make our relationship about that liberation.
When you are audience – when you are my audience – then I am still stuck in the very frame of self/other from which I long to escape.
What do I do?
I was thrown yesterday because reading others I saw instantly the many ways we can be in Advent, and I felt lost. What about my Advent? Will I have to give it up?
I felt like as a child, when I faced the playground at recess, and wondered who would play with me, and what would we play.
That’s fear.
And like I tried to make clear on Substack yesterday, we have to go into the fear. We have to basically deconstruct it. We have to pass through the easily identified levels in order to find ego so that we can offer ego up to the One Who Heals.
But we have to see the way we can offer ego up – that ego is a thing we made and so it’s up to us – not ego – what happens to ego.
We have to remember always that we want to heal and – at a deeper level than most of us can readily and steadily access – what we really really want is to heal the other.
I started a writing project, some folks are doing it with me, and they are already doing it differently than I’d expected.
And I am scared.
And I want you – yes, you reading – to fix this fear by acting in specific ways dictated by me, e.g., praise, respect, loyalty.
But, doing that holdis you to a standard set by judgment. I’ve decided for you that your function is to make me feel better.
And thing I want to be clear about – more than aything the thing I want to be clear about right now – is that when I decide in advance your function, and it mysteriously turns out to be about my ego drama – I am not loving you, but rather wallowing in fear.
Neither one of us truly wants that!
So I waken early – 3:30 a.m. – and I go outside with my coffee. The cold wakens me as much as the coffee. Everything is still except the sky. Polaris is right above the neighbor’s chimney but fifteen minutes later it’s a little to the right.
God is moving the Heavens.
God is moving in the Heavens.
The work is to find what obscures our remembrance of Love as our inheritance, and the Source of Love as our Identity.
Writing is a way of finding out what we think. I think I need you as a student – my student – or as a fan – my fan.
I know I’m an ACIM studet because I’m not concerned about “student” or “fan” – that shit is easy, take it or leave it – but about “my.”
It’s the “my” that locks us both into a fantasy of separation. It’s the “my” that makes it hard to notice this, let alone become still enough – dialogic enough – to undo it.
One thing that saved me was realizing the healing nature of curiosity. When I am curious about you – how you ended up on this path, why you’re into this teacher and not that one, whatever – then I quickly realize you aren’t grist for my mill. You’re something else – what?
When I am curious about something I study it. I give attention to it.
I enter into relationship with it as a student.
It’s pushing five a.m. now. The coffee is gone, the sleepers upstairs are stirring. Soon the sun will rise.
I am happy in this moment – the writing led me to happiness in the moment – because I have found my function: I am your reader. I’m here listening for the sound of you writing – pen scratching, keys tapping. I know that sound well; I’ve shared in its gift. It’s the sound of God moving in the Heavens, the deep quiet from which language arises and back into it falls. It’s a single star, high in the sky, that cannot steer us wrong.
“I want you – yes, you reading – to fix this fear by acting in specific ways dictated by me”
That sums up the hope of my fears. That something external will relieve me. But today’s ACIM lesson is the antidote that helps counteract the fear: I am affected only by my thoughts.”
You are not there and I am not here. We are already one. We are already home. Now if I could just know that on more than just this intellectual plane we could both stop typing when it’s dark outside.
Claudia it is so nice to hear from you and know you are there. Your comment is perfect – I have nothing else to say.
Other than – again – it’s really nice to see and hear from you. Thank you – truly – for being here.
Sean
Dear Sean-
Whichever way you see it, the writing that you’re sharing is a gift.
What I receive is always further clarity, and direction as I navigate ACIM daily this past year. My first whole year, and self study has been so enhanced by your interpretations.
So, 🙏🏻 Thank you.
You’re welcome, Ava. Thank you for reaching out with kind words and support – I am very grateful. We are in this together – no other way around it 🙂
~ Sean
Thank you sean. I am also trying to drop the word my from my language. It will probably take a few lifetimes.
🙏🙏
When I read “ The Rule is, Don’t Lie”, I felt an inner OUCH ! Your writing is always kind and loving as you rip off the bandaid with so few words. That is why I keep coming back, you help me face what I have not been willing to admit.
Upon reading “When we only see the other in relation to our own narrative, our own story, our own drama – then we are not really seeing them”, I became aware that not only do I not see others, but can’t see myself.
I have never seen so clearly how I limit my ability to live in truth by thinking I know how others should be. I am truly blown away, I had never considered how wanting others to act in certain ways keeps me in bondage too.
I too feel like a child on the playground at recess wondering who will play with me and what will we play….especially when there is no fantasy to follow. Who Am I ?
Glenda, this is brilliant, thank you.
Yes – the course says that we make an ego for ourselves AND for everyone we meet and then those egos chug a long investing a world and leaving us all miserable. There is a better way.
Who am I is the ultimate question, and I don’t always know how to answer it, but for today, I’m going to say that you’re my friend and I’m yours and that is enough. It is MORE than enough.
Thank you again, Glenda.
~ Sean
WOW Sean, this took me deep. I identified with so much of what you were saying that it was actually a bit unnerving. And then I felt guilt. And then I heard, “I don’t show you the hidden nooks and crannies to bring guilt, but freedom. You cannot let a thing go until you become aware that it is there, hiding in the shadows of the ego…you must SEE it, know it, feel the reality you have given it. Don’t fear the darkness, don’t turn away, or try to go around it or over it or pretend it isn’t there. Go THROUGH it. You are Forgiveness. You are Light. You are Love. Our work here is to remove the obstacles that keep you from experiencing that Reality. To SEE an obstacle is the first step in removing it.”
The fun thing here is realizing that each person that reads your post may well see something entirely different from what others see, or even from what you were seeing as you wrote it. And yet what each of us see, is precisely the thing we are meant to see in that moment. And we can all expand our own vision as we share our different perspectives and healing processes here with one another! Thanks again for offering this opportunity!
Thank you, Donna. I love those sentences that came to you in response to the guilt. That is my sense of it – we have to see what it is we are letting go of (in part to learn how hard letting go is – indeed, how in a lot of ways we don’t even want to let go) – and this “seeing” is hard. I think it’s helpful to have a friend or the Holy Spirit or an angel or whatever coach us through the fear – there really is nothing to fear in ego, if only because it’s my construction and only functions with my consent. Seeing that is what allows me to let go of it.
And I love your perception of different readings as “fun!” For me that variation is the seam of separation and calls for a very tender and sensitive relationship. It, too, must be undone. But I don’t want to come at it in an authoritarian way. I want to understand why it happens and I want to see what I am doing to help it happen. Then the Holy Spirit can show me what to do – in very local, specific ways – to heal, which healing can then be generalized.
I think “fun” is a fram the Holy Spirit works well with, is my point. Thanks for helping ease that into my awareness 🙏🙏
~ Sean
Incredibly honest, Sean. This past year, Valentine and Donna and I have gone deeper after meeting in an online community. It is very clear to us that we are in a holy relationship. As we have started writing on Substack and interacting with others who are also consciously on a spiritual path, we are more aware of the holy relationships springing up, and they are beginning to merge. That is what it felt like when you invited us to join this Advent journaling practice.
I appreciate how open you are in your post today because we all have similar thoughts and issues. The form may vary, but they are all built on the same foundation. As we work through our fears, we realize none of us has to give up our Advent. The more the merrier.
It’s like a progressive holiday party where we start out at your house for appetizers (food for thought), then move on to the next house for the next course in our spiritual feast. Just one course would not make a feast and so we each offer our part. We may find interesting food that we never tried before. We may find we want only a bite of one food, but seconds of another. We’re developing our “taste buds.” Next year, we may be more comfortable with the courses we weren’t so sure about this year. That’s all good.
We each have our special function (in Course terms) and the Holy Spirit brings us our “audience.” In order to meet that audience where they are and be a partner to them on their path, we engage in “layers of Truth.” Jumping immediately to the deepest level doesn’t always serve. Though I am a Course student, I explore Truth on whichever path I find it because, ultimately, it isn’t about the particular path, or the precise way we walk that path, but rather, where we are all heading. (It is here that some of my fear resides…that the way I discuss Truth may not be Truthy enough for certain Course teachers. But as I’ve said elsewhere, I just follow guidance because I answer to a Higher Authority. 😉)
Your Advent journaling exercise appealed to me because it is just the kind of thing that brings people together to share truth as they currently experience it and that helps all of us examine our own beliefs and practices. This particular post was wonderful in raising the struggles that arise despite our desire to extend love. And since you are a trusted friend on this journey, your honesty has made it easier to face our own fears and forgive ourselves.
Next course…salad. 😉
Thank you, Margaret. I appreciate your clarity and confidence here. And I love the idea of a Progressive holiday party. Thank you for that – big smiles over here. That image actually made me think of growing up Christmas caroling and going from house to house and sometimes we would pick folks up and they would come along. Together, one way or the other. We really do seem to want to be together in ways that makes us happy and helpful.
~ Sean
Dear Sean,
You went through a process here in all honesty and you graciously shared it with us. That is a gift because when you hand over these thoughts, fears, feelings etc. and lay them beside the lilies on your inner altar, you make steps in your healing proces and this is a gift because what you do, you never do alone, but for everybody. And when I read what you have written, it helps me also in my process:
“As I am healed I am not healed alone.” [W-137.14:2-3]
We will all encounter fear. I had that also yesterday, as I have written in my Substack post. In a different way than you maybe, but it (the ego) had me for a while. I think with this wonderful Advent journey we will write our way toward each other!
Every day we will realize more and more how connected we are until we know we are One.
My Course lesson for today, 338, was brilliant. And after my panic day yesterday, this was a shaft of pure light and I had a totally different day. That is no wonder, the Course always works that way. Some days we work with resistance and if we are smart we let it go, and other days we experience the healing.
This is what the prayer says in lesson 338:
“Your plan is sure, my Father, only Yours.
²All other plans will fail. ³And I will have
thoughts that will frighten me, until I learn
that You have given me the only thought
which leads me to salvation. ⁴Mine alone
will fail, and lead me nowhere. ⁵But the thought
You gave me promises to lead me home,
because it holds Your promise to Your Son.”
I literally carried Gods thoughts of Love with me through my day today and it made all the difference because I journaled extensively this morning. It set the day, it set the goal.
I love the relationship we are building, all of us here (I have said that in other comments as well). Being alone is the illusion. I have seen how it works in the deep connection that Margaret, Donna and I share. We live miles away from each other but that does not matter one bit, we feel very near to each other. Just like Marg wrote in her comment. But there is, in general, no limit in relationship because in the end only ONE will be left, the Christ Self.
I send you a big hug Sean. I hope you had joy in your day today.
Thank you Valentine. Distance is not an impediment to love has been a powerful lesson for me, especially when I have realized that “distance” includes no longer being embodied. Relationship transcends the boundaries bodies and world take so seriously. I think this has to do with communication and how abstract it is can be – that abstraction seems to liberate us in important ways, and in creative ways. There is a really interesting dance that takes place in languaging minds, minds animated by language in service of Love. It is kin to prayer and kin to magick and opens up trails in the cosmos. I’m very grateful for the connections which emerge, and for the new paths and connections they illuminate.
~ Sean
Oh and a big hug right back 🙂
~ Sean
Thanks so much Sean for your reply ….AND hug. Love, Valentine
Hello my friend. You are really hitting home this week. I’ve been struggling (do I ever not say that in my comments?) this week and specifically with thoughts related to my own writing . . . and my ‘audience’ (or lack thereof). I have a fairly new Substack presence that lately hasn’t been bringing much joy because I’ve fallen into the trap of making my joy dependent upon the responses to what I post (or lack thereof). “I’m sharing my heart, why doesn’t anybody like it?” “Why is no one paying attention?”
This morning I literally woke up with waves of anxiety washing over me and this voice in my head repeating the words “No one is listening and no one cares.” When I managed to get my heart rate down and take some deep breaths . . . then asked Holy Spirit, what is my response to that? Or what do you want my response to that to be? . . . I heard two words: “Listen. Care.”
I’m not exactly sure how that fits into your exact words but somehow your words–again–seemed to speak to where I am and what I’m feeling and asking. It feels like crap to obsess about my ‘audience’ and try to figure out who they are and how to reach them and how to get them to like or even want to hear what I say. That’s not joy. That’s not forgiveness or any version of extending Love that feels worthy.
I don’t know exactly what any of this means in terms of how to approach my work and my desire to connect and share this way. There’s so much about the Course I still don’t fully grasp and sometimes I honestly want to throw the book through a window, but I keep coming back, and I keep asking and I keep trying to really see and hear what it’s showing me.
When you not only offer your insight but also some of the dream you’re dreaming, it soothes even as it challenges. That’s such a gift and I am as always, truly grateful.
Thanks for being here, Dan.
On a practical level, to write is to communicate, and it takes at least two for that happen so I understand completely giving attention to audience, at some form and in some way. It’s why we’re here, in a lot of ways. No communication, no relationship. So sharing and relating matters, deeply.
I think “listen” and “care” are good answers! In part because they relate writing to relationship. “Listen” and “care” are fundamental to any working relationship. And writing, again, feels like a form of relationship. What am I bringing to the table? Am I giving attention to what the others are bringing?
But also your post just reminds me that sooner or later we all have to crash – into the fear, the guilt, the anxiety. The messiness of being human. Forgiveness, ACIM-style, is a way of being present to all that without trying to change it. Letting it be allows is to settle a little, and in the settling, I catch glimpses (glimmers) of an identity, a self – and a relationship – that is not contingent on the rules the world sets up. “Catch glimpses” is a kind of shorthand for what teaching and learning with the Holy Spirit is like.
I have thrown ACIM around the room more than once! A spiritual life without at least a little drama is not life at all. I think it’s really helpful to just ask what the course is for? What is it doing in my life? What questions does it make me ask? Are there question it is helping me NOT ask? Who are you that A Course in Miracles should be in your life right now?
The exploration seems to be as important as any formal study or application. It really does help to see clearly just where and how the separation is showing up in our lives. Scary and destabilizing, yes. But still.
Thanks again for sharing and being here – journal with us in Advent if you’d like – there is a collective energy emerging here that is really fun and interesting.
~ Sean
… I’m scared too, posting here, putting my insides out. Ego would keep me quiet, keep me in and then berate me for not having the courage to share.
The healing for me for Advent feels like it’s not what I share but that I share.
I’d really like to see others as having nothing to heal, that it’s just my judgements of them that needs healing, I would love to see like that.
Thank you so much, Amanda. Your sharing matters and I love this clarity: not what is shared but THAT you share. That is a beautiful expression of faith in God and Love but also feels like a perfect example of “bring it to application” that Tara Singh often wrote about. I’m really grateful. There are no small lights in this work we do together.
~ Sean