My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.
As the workbook points out, this lesson focuses on the perceiver – not on what is perceived. Thus, instead of dwelling on tables and trees and fish tanks and trying to change my mind about them, I know get to focus on me. The first time I saw those words, I could have danced. I was so happy to finally be getting the attention I deserved.
I sometimes feel that the genius of the Course is that it can be read in a way that the “I” and “You” are the physical egoic narrative self and – without changing a word – also as if “you” and “I” are simply parts of God. This lesson is obviously aimed at helping us transform from the former reading to the latter. I get to dwell on who I am – unappreciated, easily confused, arrogant, eloquent, greedy, whatever – and each time I do I get a gentle nudge that those lables – and the self to which they ostensibly apply – is not real, not who I really am.
Lately, this has been somewhat easier for me to handle than it was for a long time. Very early on in the Course I had some incredible experiences – I don’t mind calling them revelations – but then it settled into something more pedestrian. But this past month or so – in part because my focus and practice has intensified – I’ve begun to feel some more dramatic dismantling, less like I’m gonig to be treated to some fancy heavenly discoteque thing, and more like the ego really is being undone. The chatter is there but it just doesn’t have the kick and stability it used to have.
The other thing that’s been making sense to me – and which didn’t for the longest time – is that it doesn’t matter if the perception of myself is good or bad. They’re all equally untrue. For a long time – and it still happens – I believed that if I saw myself in a loving light it was superior to the alternative. But the thing is, you can’t make an illusion true by gussying it up. It’s either all false or all true. The particular perception of it can’t change that. So more and more – and this lesson is a great reminder – I find myself wondering what lies beyond all this “me me me” energy. You think you’ve got it kicked and then another subtle layer shows up. It’s a lot of work!
Worth nothing that the pace has been picking up lately. We are now up to fifteen minutes a day – thrice a day – with frequent applications during the day. I am trying to be faithful to this, without using the schedule to bludgeon myself when I slip. But it is clear that we are trying to change a way of thinking and that this is best done through repetition.