(I shared a newsletter yesterday, if you’re interested).
I remember once driving through light rain and growing increasingly scared of my relationships. I could not fit them together. I did not understand the demands they made on me. I could not bear the demands I made on them. They seemed shallow and dishonest. I couldn’t make a healthy move with any of them. I wanted to run but there was nowhere to run. It was awful. Awful.
I stopped to buy some groceries. In the bakery section, two hands took me by the shoulders. My body straightened; worry and fear were drawn out of it. Lips pressed against my forehead in a kiss. My mind became like a prism filling with light. Every face I looked at was a rainbow. My heart melted into the hearts of those around me, and their hearts melted and flowed into other hearts. I knew with utter clarity the perfection of minds – not bodies – joining.
I floated past the bagels, past the cakes. I floated past the deli. I couldn’t stop smiling; my eyes brimmed with happy tears. Everybody was perfect; everything fit.
And then it faded! Somewhere between grabbing dijon mustard for Jeremiah and sesame oil for Chrisoula it just drifted away. My body was mine again. Veils fell in my mind. The prismatic rainbows disappeared.
But understanding remained. And that was the gift. Not the joyous transition to a Love-infused Body of Light in the co-op but the conviction after that allowed me to live more gracefully, simply, and helpfully. Mind, not bodies, join. It was so clear. It is still clear.
The experiences we have are not what matter. Bright lights in the bakery are well and good but the lesson – minds, not bodies, join – saved me. That was the answer to my earlier angst and confusion. I was scared of relationship and the Holy Spirit showed me that minds are already joined so I need do nothing.
In time, this understanding generalized and became stable. We covet experience – awakening, bliss, spiritual orgasm, face time with the resurrected Jesus – but only the pure abstract clarity of our shared mind can truly satisfy us.
In other words, it is not possible you do not know how much I love you.
For this – and so much more – thanks.