God is the light in which I see.
Last night I was walking my dog. We live right on the edge of the village – if I turn east, within a hundred yards or so it’s as if I have left civilization all together. Yet there are houses there – some well-lit – and some of them have dogs. At one, the family had let their dog out off-leash and she was very aggressive. I was scared and my dog was scared. And I got angry – at the other dog, the careless neighbors, the town without adequate canine bylaws, the world in which it is so hard to just go for a simple walk . . .
By the time I had gone half a mile, my anger – and my resistance to any kind of attempt to be less angry – owned all of me. The quiet woods, the crystalline stars, the bracing cold – all of it was lost in a tangle of rage, disappointment and guilt.
Yet cresting a hill a mile or so into the walk, sadness crept in. A small still voice said “you’ve handled this before – and worse. It doesn’t have to be this way.” The dog and I stopped. I studied the sky through bare trees, turned my face to the wind. Some wall inside me crumbled, peace flowed in over the ruins and I accepted it – haltingly, shyly, awkwardly. And in a few moments, the craziness was gone. I reminded myself that when it tried to come back – which it surely would – I would ask the Holy Spirit for help. The rest of walk was peaceful and happy. It was graceful in a clear and simple way.
That moment atop the hill – that sadness at how crazy I was and the voice of sanity saying “this need not be” – was true seeing. It was vision. It was the light in which God clarified for me what I really am and how powerful I am. Outside was total blackness save for the stars. Inside was a wreck. But deeper – and wider – than all of that was the Light in which I know I am Love and that I am not alone. It is not as hard as it once was to reach that light and be lifted or illuminated – enlightened – by it.
That’s what Lesson 44 of A Course in Miracles is about – not a blinding physical light, not little tiny faerie lights that dance around the edges of physical objects. Just the one necessary moment of clarity in the dense tides of anger, fear and guilt. In the craziness, a voice that is not crazy. And in that clarity, we hear the call to sanity and to love. We remember that love is not only possible, it is all there is. “Nothing real can be threatened” (In.2:2). “Nothing unreal exists” (In.2:3).
. . . light reflects life, and is therefore an aspect of creation. Creation and darkness cannot coexist, but light and life must go together, being but different aspects of creation (W-pI.44:1:3-4).
That light did not come because I asked for it. Please see that. There was no virtue involved. I did nothing but feel crazy. I didn’t fall to my knees, didn’t talk to Jesus, didn’t remember A Course in Miracles. Nothing. One moment I was hurting, the next moment I was blessed with remembering wholeness. When I remembered ot, I reached for it. And there it was. That’s how the course works. See the verbs in this lesson: sinking, letting go, slipping. Releasing. You need do nothing – it will all be done for you. How simple that is and yet how hard to accept, to bring into application!
As you sit for the day’s practice, remember those verbs. Remember how little is actually required of the “you” you think you are. Just getting to the practice is enough. Trust Jesus. Trust the Holy Spirit. You are not apart from God. You are not apart from Love.No matter how bad it feels, no matter how unbridgeable the distance – it’s nothing. You are already home. God is the Light in which you see this is true.