God’s voice speaks to me through all the day.
This is another of those “reach past the world and find God in your mind” lessons of A Course in Miracles. They have been interspersed over the last dozen or so – as we reaffirm that the separation never happened, we periodically are asked to try and actually experience that unity. These are challenging lessons for me because I tend to intellectualize the Course – I am most comfortable thinking and talking or writing – and these lessons don’t really call on those skills. You can’t reason your way out of the ego’s view and into God’s.
There is, in this lesson and those like it, a letting go that is a decision but not precisely an action. It’s not a physical letting go – it’s not like dropping a hot potato. It’s more like a decision to think differently – or better, not to think, at least not in the mode and manner to which we’re accustomed. Perhaps you can see by how I fumble around writing it, that actually practicing it is not my strong suit.
I say that, in part, because I want to be honest about how I experience and practice the Course. I think this is a bedrock lesson because it’s a bedrock concept – reaching away from the clamor and terror of the world we know and experience in an effort to reach the Foundation, God. Clearly that matters. Clearly developing this skill is important. But how do we do that – especially when we’re averse to it?
For me, I start by recognizing the aversion – which is really just a form of resistance. I just acknowledge it. This is hard for me – other aspects of the Course aren’t. I try to realize that it’s no big thing. When I feel a little balanced that way, I ask for help. I try to make contact with Jesus, to enter or tap my right mind and just ask for some assistance in the lesson.
And then I do the lesson the best I can. That may sound a bit too much like a high school basketball coach, but what can I say? I do what the lesson asks. I practice not judging the results. I think showing up – and showing willingness – is very important in this process. Sometimes doors are opening that we aren’t even aware of, creating spaces that we’re not going to reach for years – maybe lifetimes. We have to be patient!
Let me add, too, that I cannot view my aversion here without at least nodding in the direction of my fear of God. I don’t like to say that – nobody does – because it sounds like Spirituality 101. God is love, not threat or coercion or judgment. I have had moments of great clarity and communication with Love since I started the Course. But I have also had fearful moments where I am left with the fact that I believe – in the egoic mind, the split mind – that God is more like an avenger. My resistance to meeting him is grounded in this fear.
So lessons like this are also opportunities to reconnect to issues that we don’t want to face or deal with – like the fear of God. That concept is a core one in the belief system of A Course in Miracles. We believe that we split, stole the authority of God, and now are left facing his vengeance and judgment. That it’s not true is somewhat beside the point. Once we believe in a God that’s out to get us, you can’t reason your out of it. You have to experience it.
And so I come back to these lessons. And I come back to the simplicity of doing what you can and doing it the best you can. There’s joy and peace in that, as well. And I’ll take it wherever I can get it.