The End of Fearing God and Love

True kindness has no fear in it. It wants nothing from the other because it knows the other is its own self. There is no compromise in kindness, no negotiation. It knows what is true. And because what is true is not separate from it, it is kind.

If I feel fear, then I cannot be kind. If I perceive differences, then I am fear-filled, regardless of whether I describe my feelings that way or not. Perception of differences drives a way of thinking that produces fear and fear does not question the appearance of differences. It just defends itself.

So we need to get a handle on fear, not kindness. Kindness is easy; kindness is what we are. But fear stops us from practicing kindness. It stops us from extending what we are.

We are fearful because we believe we are guilty. The guilty expect punishment because they believe they deserve punishment. The guilty wait on death. Their whole life is death row. They cannot be anything but fearful.

Therefore, in order to end fear, we need to recognize and accept our guiltlessness. We need to realize that our innocence is established in Creation, and is a fact of life that includes all life, not just “Sean” or “Cheryl” or whatever.

The reason this is not perfectly clear to us right now is because we have forgotten what it means to be one with God. We like parts of our life just fine – the dog, walks on the beach at dusk, coffee with friends. And we think that by joining with our brothers and sisters in God – a joining in which differences lose their value – then we will lose all those things.

We do not trust God. We do not trust Love.

We are attached and invested in this life, and when it is threatened – by rain, by a stranger or by the Love of God – we defend it. We’re like the one who says they’ll follow Jesus right after they bury their father. It’s no skin off Jesus’s back – it’s not a crime against God or Nature. But there is a better way, and the better way is to say “yes, Lord,” drop everything and follow.

For you and me, as nondual-minded Christians studying A Course in Miracles, this means letting go of differences. Which really really means letting go of their value. Notice when you are valuing differences and just stop.

If it sounds too hard then you haven’t tried because when you actually try it you realize it’s not hard at all – it’s impossible.

That’s why we need a spiritual practice like A Course in Miracles. That’s why we have to chill out about ascended masters and awakening and all that and just, you now, follow Jesus.

This is not a spiritual accomplishment, the fruits of which await us in the future. Disciples are disciples now. Fear of God and Love is a habit we can break today. It is a joy we can feel right now.

Let the dead bury the dead, said Jesus. He means that we don’t actually live in the world. Life is not in differences – like bodies that are dead vs. bodies that are alive. Life cannot be judged because it is one-without-another. Its value is not set by us.

Life is kind. It will take nothing from us. It will only give us what we already know is ours in Creation. It does nothing but make what is true clear: we remain as God created us, and our long suffrance believing otherwise is over.

The Fifth Principle of A Course in Miracles

Miracles are habits, and should be involuntary. They should not be under conscious control. Consciously selected miracles can be misguided (T-1.I.5:1-3).

Since miracles are expressions of Love, which does not admit distinctions, they are not personal. Any attempt to make them into a thing that we do or that somebody else does reinforces the very confusion in identity that miracles are given to correct. The miracle is a way of being in the world with all our brothers and sisters that is premised on service, which is an action coming from love that seeks only to reestablish our sameness, which reflects our underlying equality which – in the world – is a living symbol of oneness.

Thus, miracles have no “goals” other than reestablishing our identity in and as extensions of Love. When we commandeer them for our own interests – to win the lottery, rehab our spouse into a more ideal partner, write the perfect poem, whatever – we obscure their healing potential because in truth we have no personal interests. We have no needs. Only ego subscribes to the illusion of needs; therefore, only ego could need a miracle to be personal.

Here is what A Course in Miracles has to say about our habit of taking everything personally (which always produces goals for us, in which someone has to lose or sacrifice, rather than shared goals for all, in which nobody loses and everybody gains).

Another way of describing the goals you now perceive is to say that they are all concerned with “personal” interests. Since you have no personal interests, your goals are really concerned with nothing. In cherishing them, therefore, you have no goals at all. And thus you do not know what anything is for (W-pI.25.3:1-4).

Choice and decision – or any form of conscious direction – have no place in the application of miracles. Miracles are natural and involuntary, like sneezing or blinking. We don’t resolve to do these things; they simply happen. We don’t study or practice them. Indeed, we barely notice them.

Can we see the miracle in a similar light?

The fifth miracle principle suggests that the extension – which includes the reception – of miracles should be exactly that habitual. When we forget the body and its illusion of separate interests and simply adhere to Love’s non-dramatic nudges, then miracles are the natural result. And they always facilitate a condition in which additional miracle-minded thinking becomes more fluid and effective. Everybody wins and nobody loses. There are no separate interests. The miracle both reveals and reinforces this understanding.

In a sense, this principle recognizes the ego’s objective of making everything about itself. Ego loves the idea of miracles so long as they reinforce the separation from God upon which its existence depends. Ego recognizes scarcity – whether it takes the form of relationships that treat us poorly or the inability to find a parking space – and is happy to apply miracles as potential “solutions” to those problems. Many Course students cling to this conception of miracles, however subtly, for a long time.

But miracles are not given to amend or improve upon the ego’s illusory world. They may appear to have affects there (and they may not) but improving on illusions is not their function. They are not given to solve our so-called problems. They are given to make clear the impossibility of separate interests and in that way to unite us more surely with our brothers and sisters in love.

Thus, when we consciously choose the circumstances under which we want to give or receive a miracle, the risk (perhaps even the likelihood) is that we are heeding ego rather than spirit. We are almost certainly overthinking the situation. And remember: ego is happy to be subtle. It has no aversion to our being “spiritual” so long as the fundamental goals of the spiritual practice do not threaten its existence.

Expressions of love are natural. They don’t need to be forced. They don’t need to be found, taken hold of, and then applied. They aren’t “chosen.” Or rather, they were already chosen, but by God in Creation, and for all of God’s children (broadly defined to include snails, quasars and ravens). Miracles mean life, not death. They mean possibility and inclusion, not exclusion and limitation. They are co-creations, not singular constructions.

All any miracle can do is remind us over and over that we remain as God created us, are capable only of extending love, and – as an effect of the first conditions – are worthy of receiving nothing less.

Review Period IV: ACIM Workbook

A Course in Miracles is about application – it is meant to be lived. In these bodies, in this world, we learn that we are not bodies and there is no world. The paradox is not something we solve intellectually. It is more like an optical illusion that we suddenly “get.”

In this review, the course prepares us for application by retroactively applying a theme to the previous twenty lessons: “My mind holds only what I think with God” (r-IV.In.2:2).

Most of us read that and think it means that our minds are going to be cleansed or purified. We think that the egoic self is going to be purged of its bad qualities while holding onto its good ones. In other words, we’re going to have our cake and eat it, too.

But, in fact, this statement about our mind is a statement about what our mind is in truth: and it is not the mind which holds the ego’s lies – both the ones that please us and the ones that displease us. It is another level, one that from our separated perspective, we cannot see. We can barely imagine it.

Guilt stops us from realizing the mind we share with God, and from bringing its creative powers into application. Therefore, we need forgiveness – we need the correction of the underlying error (which is our belief in separation) to be undone for us.

The way that our errors are corrected is that we look at them without flinching. We realize that all illusions are “defenses that protect your unforgiving thoughts from being seen and recognized” (r-IV.In.3:2). The whole purpose of illusions is to “hold correction off through self-deception made to take its place” (r-IV.In.3:3).

Salvation begins with our willingness to see this as true. We don’t have to believe it! We simply have to recognize how our way has not worked and so – Bill Thetford-like – we declare there must be another and – Helen Schucman-like – agree to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in finding it.

Your self-deception cannot take the place of truth. No more than can a child who throws a stick int othe ocean cange the coming and going of the tides, the warming of the water by the sun, the silver of the moon on it by night (r-IV.In.4:2-3).

What is true is true: it cannot be made false by wishful thinking. No more can what is false be made true. Our minds hold only what we think with God – are we not curious to find out just what this means?

This review period is designed somewhat differently than those that went before. Before we were reviewing ideas, looking at them in slightly different lights, reinforcing core ACIM concepts. Now we are creating a space in which actual communion with God is possible, each day bringing “the message of His Love to you, returning messages of yours to Him” (r-IV.In.4:2-3).

This communion is more important than being “right” about a given lesson. It is communion that assures us we are on the correct path, that we are not being led astray by the Holy Spirit, and that Jesus remains an elder brother carefully attending our awakening. Our day arranges itself around our devotion to the course and to the awakening it promises. Do we welcome this?

In this review period, sparse as it may appear at first glance, we take real steps into the world as forgiven children of a loving God whose only desire is that all Creation know His Peace and Joy. These are not idle promises! They are not just words.

God offers thanks to you who practice thus the keeping of His Word. And as you give your mid to the ideas for the day again before you sleep, His gratitude surrounds you in the peace wherein He wills you be forever, and learning now to claim against as your inheritance (r-IV.In.10:1-2).

For the next ten days, let us make it so together. Our minds hold only what we think with God – can happiness and peace not be our truth? Can it not become our gift to the world?

A Course in Miracles Lesson 140

Only salvation can be said to cure.

We are either asleep or we are awake. If we are asleep in the dream of separation, then it does not matter what happens in the dream – if our cancer is cured, if we win the lottery, if we marry our true love and live happily ever after. It’s a dream. It doesn’t matter what happens in a dream.

A Course in Miracles is given so that we might wake up from the dream of separation, and remember that our mind is one with God’s Mind in Creation. When we remember this, we are healed. Our mind, which was split between being of God and denying that it was of God, is unified.

In the context of A Course in Miracles, only this can be said to be healing.

This is, or can be – no pun intended – a big pill to swallow. And so in order to help us, the Holy Spirit induces “happy dreams” – forgiveness-based dreams which are “heralds of the dawn of truth upon the mind” (W-pI.140.3:2). These are dreams within the larger dream in which we are dissociated from Creation, but they do not double down on that larger dreaming. On the contrary, they loosen its stranglehold on our mind.

They lead from sleep to gentle waking, so that dreams are gone. And thus they cure for all eternity (W-pI.140.3:4-5).

Thus, Atonement is not a “cure” for sickness. It is not about the body at all. Rather, it removes the cause of guilt from the mind which believes in guilt, which in turn makes sickness of any kind impossible. It removes the cause of guilt by showing with absolute clarity that sin and God cannot coexist, and that there is no place that God is not. Therefore, sin is homeless and we remain as innocent as in the first instant of Creation (forever extending itself).

This is no magic. It is merely an appeal to truth, which cannot fail to heal and heal forever (W-pI.140.6:4-5).

Our work, then, is to bring illusions to truth (e.g., W-pI.140.7:4). In doing so, we demonstrate our willingness to learn that sickness is a decision the mind makes to forget what it is in truth.

What does this look like in practice?

It looks like willingness. It looks calm and patient. It does not rush to judge. It is not so invested in wordly outcomes. It seeks to remember the cause for joy (which is our guiltlessness). Even if we don’t accept the underlying metaphysical premise of A Course in Miracles, and the promise of healing it makes to us, we can still try to understand them and bring them into application. We can remind ourselves over and over that the world is not real and we are not bodies.

In other words, we leave behind the world of form – with its endless variations, all begetting this or that form of conflict – and focus instead on the Love of God, which appears to us as Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and the holy relationships they guide us toward in order to teach us that the separation is not real.

We go beyond appearances today and reach the source of healing, from which nothing is exampt. We will succeed to the extent which we realize that there can never be a meaningful distinction made between what is untrue and equally untrue (W-pI.140.9:2-3).

This world is all the same. The cancer, the war, the poverty, the hunger . . . all of it reflects the mind’s decision to be alien unto its Creator. At home in love, we make a dream of hate and give to it all our attention.

There is – as brother Thetford reminds us – a better way.

This lesson calls us to intentional stillness. It does not ask us to lean on form – tarot cards, aspirin, rosary beads, naikan therapy. It doesn’t say we can’t use these things later. It just asks us in this moment to give attention to the still small voice within which speaks only of God and of God’s Love. No more than this, but not less either.

We will be still and listen for the Voice of healing, which will cure all ills as one, restoring saneness to the Son of God. No voice but this can cure. Today we hear a single Voice which speaks to us of truth, where all illusions end, and peace returns to the eternal, quiet home of God (W-pI.140.10:2-4).

Our willingness to pray this way – for it is a prayer – opens up a space in which we naturally remember that salvation is the only cure, and that only God’s Voice is the word of salvation. So we become still and quiet, listening only for that word, setting aside everything that word is not. That is our calling, and it is met by an ancient promise:

This is the day when healing comes to us. This is the day when separation ends, and we remember Who we really are (W-pI.140.12:7-8).

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Choosing Peace over Fear

In yesterday’s newsletter (you can sign up here if you like), I mentioned that the world was made to make love homeless. In such a world do you feel fear or peace?

One way to answer this question is to ask: am I aware of any needs right now? Have I made plans for future needs? Is past information helping me make those plans? Recognize those needs?

If you answer yes to any of those questions (and really, we all do), then you are in fear and – here is the good news – you are not alone and you are in as far as you can go. There is fear or there is peace. It is not a question of degrees (e.g., T-3.IV.1:5). This is why miracles do not admit to orders of difficulty ((T-1.I.1:1) and “all expressions of love are maximal” (T-1.I.1:4).

Peace is the absence of plans (e.g., W-pI.135.11:1) because one’s trust in their brother and sister is total and unconditional. When we trust one another completely, then the love of God becomes our sole provision. Who plans when God provides through Creation? Past and future dissolve in the unshakeable happiness of the Holy Instant where judgment is impossible and joining already accomplished.

What is Heaven but union, direct and perfect, and without the veil of fear upon it? Here are we one, looking with perfect gentleness upon each other and on ourselves. Here all thoughts of any separation between us becomes impossible . . . And here would I unite with you, my friend, my brother and my Self (T-20.III.10:3-5, 7).

If you feel fear, it is because you have judged against your brother, and thus against yourself. And thus you have closed your heart to God. The solution is to love your brother as your own self now.

It is tempting to think we must undo the apparent effects of the past. We must make amends, say. Or we need to prepare for the future – save up money, stockpile food. But the past and the future are not real and all our fussing over them can’t change that one bit. Now is the only time there is and there is only one thing you are called to do in it: love your brother and sisters.

Any problem we take to the Holy Spirit, no matter how specific, no matter how seemingly dependent on the laws of time and space, the answer is always the same: love now. Be kind now. Be gentle now. The past and the future are not our concern. Behold the birds of the heavens and consider the lilies of the field . . .

It is clear, is it not? Like crystal? And yet we fight it every minute of every day. We work so hard not to hear it, let alone make it our practice.

We do not need to undo our own supposed errors. We do not not need to do better going forward. We need simply to give attention to Jesus and the Holy Spirit, be led by them into the Holy Instant, and there know with calm and quiet certainty that the separation is an illusion, as are all its apparent effects.

This is the state of Christ. In it, we know that the only thing we can do is love our brothers and sisters now. In love, the illusion of past and future are undone. In love, there are neither errors nor problems.

In love I see you, perfectly whole, brighter than the sun. There is nothing to fear at all. Your radiance encompasses me, dissolves and undoes me, as you are dissolved and undone in God, and God – that idea we’ve clinging to all these many centuries – is dissolved and undone in Love.

You and your brother will now lead the other to the Father as surely as God created His Son holy, and kept him so. In your brother is the light of God’s eternal promise of your immortality. See him as sinless, and there can be no fear in you (T-20.III.11:7-9).

Together we make it so.

Another Kind of ACIM Teacher

I want to talk about non-public teachers of A Course in Miracles. These are often referred to as holy relationships.

I am being more personal than usual in this post.

Two points: first, if I am talking about a holy relationship here, then I am using “holy” in terms of the desert – stones for bread, sand in your eyes, haunted by demons. Second, in the relationship I will describe, learning is utterly mutual. It isn’t hierarchical at all. This rules out formal teachers and teaching arrangements.

I wish on all ACIM students a relationship like the one I write about here. I did nothing to earn it, and a lot to dis-earn it, and yet it steadied me in immeasurable ways, making possible a deep and creative learning that eventually reached – and then undid – what we call “awakening.” Even to call this relationship a gift is to minimize it.  

My lesson in this relationship was about learning how to share. I mean that literally. It was Kindergarten all over again. I had to literally relearn that relationship only works when it is premised on absolute equality.

It took me years to learn this. I am still learning it.

Implicit in this relationship was the need to see beyond the various labels, identities and roles that obscure the purity of love. Some of these are given by society, some by religion, some by family. Some we invent. Paradoxically, “seeing beyond” meant actually living – accepting, defying, honoring, defiling, loving, resenting, amending, resisting – those identities and roles. It turns out that surface narratives about life (i.e., husband, father, brother, friend) – are undone by giving sustained attention to them.

If you really want to gaze into the Face of God and live then with all your heart you have to live the lie, the illusion, that you are separate from God. That is the only way to penetrate to the origins of the lie and explode it. You have to lean into the specific life – the specific form of the lie – you are living. You have to embrace what is given on the very terms on which it is given and allow it all the space it asks for.

What happens when you do that? Where do you end up? Who is with you?

What began was a long assignment, a learning situation that was neither dramatic nor sexy nor even at times noticeable. It was a complex dialogue that transcended time and distance. It had a life of its own, quite apart from the two who comprised it. I clung to specialness with a tenacity that still makes me sad. Every step of its relinquishment was like having a tooth pulled. If I had a nickel for every time I said “I quit” or “fuck this” – and, sadly, on a couple of occasions, “fuck you” – I could buy everyone reading this a thousand times a thousand cups of coffee.  

Sometimes we drifted apart and wondered if we could find a way back. Sometimes there was nothing but the relationship. Often we skimmed the surface. Sometimes we went so deep that it was hard to breathe for days after.

We asked a lot of hard questions and then waited together while mutually clear and helpful answers were given. 

Is that clear? The focus was always on our mutual willingness (which often had to be earned, remembered, clarified, renegotiated) to keep asking hard questions about literally everything. And then, having asked the hard questions, to enter the difficult space of waiting together while the answers presented themselves in ways we could actually understand and use.  

In all of this, slowly but surely, we moved into a space premised on radical equality (which underlies Humberto Maturana’s definition of love, which is ACIM forgiveness in royal garb). There was no need to justify ourselves to one another. In a lot of ways our relationship defied labels, though perhaps that is a retroactive gloss. Most people viewing it from the outside would have labeled it just fine. Many did.

From an ACIM perspective, we made together a deliberate choice in which we did not perceive our interests as separate (M-1.1:2). Thus, a light of learning entered the darkness engendered by confusion and sacrifice (M-1.1:3). And, because our learning needs literally mirrored each other’s, the “perfect lesson” was forever before us in the form of “unlimited opportunities” (M-3.5:2-3,6). We were capable of learning, so we learned.

There is a lot of clarity around this, and a lot of gratitude. We go nowhere alone; we learn nothing for ourselves only.

In order to figure out what A Course in Miracles can teach you, you have to question everything (T-24.in.2:1). To question everything is to go deeply into your thought system and find its foundation. You have to raise a strong lantern over this foundation and gaze long and hard at what appears there. It is not easy; sometimes it is terrifying. A good teacher is a lantern. They are the light in which every value and ideal we hold can be examined and – at some point, when we are ready – released because we see at last that it has no value. It’s not what we want because it’s not what we are.

A good teacher invites the Holy Spirit into our living so that we can assess what serves the cause of Love and what does not and – having made that basic judgment – keep what is helpful and let go of what is not.

In the end, that is what this teacher allowed me to do. She literally contextualized every lesson Ken Wapnick and Tara Singh taught me. She insisted that everything – everything – be released. Please note that this is an inner release. It is a release of all the dreams and fears and hopes and fantasies and ideals and goals that seem to constitute our being. You let it all go and what remains?

Nobody can answer that question for you. All you can do is find the one who helps you ask it and then waits with you while the answer is given.

This releasing is not necessarily about formal changes in our living in the world – new jobs or partners or diets or study groups. Naturally the form of our apparent living may shift as our thinking shifts, but it’s the thinking that changes. The form is just a reflection. Clear up the distraction and clutter in mind and let what happens on the outside happen.

My promise to you – because it is the promise that was made and kept for me by and through this teacher – is that as you let things go, the Face of Christ and the Peace of God will be revealed to you. As swiftly as you can handle it, love and peace will be revealed in and as the whole of your being. You will know with quiet certainty that God is Love, that God is present, and that God is All in All. And All is well, and All will be well, in all ways, always.

For me, it felt like I had been walking through a thick dark forest for a thousand years. The trail was hard to find; sometimes I got lost. I was often hungry and thirsty. Always I was scared. Sometimes thorns bit my heel and sometimes wolves chased me through to dawn. I’d mostly forgotten where I was heading and half-wanted to go back. It was hopeless.

All my teachers helped me with aspects of this difficult journey. The teacher I speak of today was the one who went with me as as a sister and helped me reach the end. Together we located and relocated the trail and went along it as best we could. We shared little fires, left notes if we had to go on ahead or linger behind, pointed out pretty flowers and bear tracks and just generally reminded each other that this is the way and I am not going to leave you alone on it.

And then one day I stepped out of the forest into a vast open field. Moonlight filled a thousand flowers. The air was sweet and warm; there was a brook in the distance. When I looked at my hands they were mostly light, and they were not separate from the light of countless other hands. When I called my teacher’s name, she answered in a language I had forgotten that I knew. When I answered, it was not my voice speaking but another’s.

There is a quiet song in this place, and when you hear it, you never forget it. And so, in a very real way, you will never be lost or alone again. You will never struggle again. You are home; you never left your home.

Tara Singh and Ken Wapnick worked diligently and selflessly to help me and countless others get here. How grateful I am! But lauds and praise to the one who literally walked beside me – who undertook the messy and complex task of teaching Sean when to be quiet, how to be humble, and when to speak and what to say so that he might remember his place among the lost and forsaken, the weary and defeated and, in doing so, remember the God of Love in Whom there is neither loss nor weariness nor defeat nor separation at all.

I did nothing to deserve such a gift, yet the gift was given. Do you see? What can I say or do in return, other than make this simple promise: where you go, I will go, and whom you call sister or brother, I will call sister or brother, and for this shared fire at which we are together home and forever welcoming others to remember they are home as well, I will never stop thanking God.