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Does God Forgive Adultery?

God_forgives_adultery

However we imagine God – a loving father overlooking us from Heaven – an abstract Love that permeates our being – forgiveness for sins remains God’s essence. (Cima da Conegliano’s 16th century painting of “God the Father”).

Every priest or minister or monk or nun or spiritual guide of any kind has heard it before: does God forgive adultery?

In a word, yes.

There is ample traditional biblical support for that proposition. Consider, for example, Micah 7:18-19:

Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? He retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.

He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

Notice that you don’t see anything there that qualifies the sin itself – he passeth some transgressions but not others. It’s a wholly merciful and loving God, ever ready to see us whole and forgive us the whole range of errors that we believe have befallen us – and this includes cheating on our husband, or cheating on our wife.

Want some support from the Gospel Jesus? Take a look at Matthew 5:44-45:

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who spitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Again, we’re talking about a God that is merciful and offers his mercy to everyone, without judgement or qualification. We can place our faith in this God and we will not be left bereft – no matter what we have, or think we have done!

Am I saying that if you’ve cheated, then bully for you, God won’t care? I’m not. Even though A Course in Miracles (my own spiritual path) proclaims that “sin” is not real – that all our errors are but illusions – there is still the fact that we believe we are here. If someone is punching you in the face, then by all means you should walk away, not just stand there and take it while saying, “this is all but a dream within a dream.”

You aren’t supposed to be unhappy – you are supposed to be joyful. But part of that joy – part of that happiness – is found in loving others in the way that Christ loves us. So we have to ask what purpose our infidelity serves and we have to ask if it reflects the deepest love and kindness that we can offer. If it doesn’t, then we  need to shift our thinking towards love and allow its behavioral expression to follow suit.

When we come from that place of conviction – that decision to be loving now - then we are going to know the forgiveness of Christ. And we are going to know that we are forgiven.

Any error in A Course in Miracles, be it murder or cheating or a burned cheese cake, is nothing more than a cry for help – and because we perceive it outside of ourselves (the cheating spouse, the distant spouse who “drives” us to adultery) – it is always our cry. If you are betraying someone because they aren’t satisfactorily caring for your needs, don’t get all self-righteous about it. That’s you! You’re the one that’s not tending to another’s need. And the flip side of the coin holds as well. Are you trying to “forgive” a partner who has committed adultery? Don’t separate your self from her or him. It’s you.

We are always forgiving ourselves.

ACIM forgiveness can drive you batty, but it’s not about seeing the so-called sin and thus making it real. You know, telling someone that they acted like an idiot but you forgive them because you’re so Christian. You don’t see the idiotic behavior – all you see is the perfect child of God beyond. We’re talking about spiritual sight, not physical sight.

Are we supposed to stay in a bad marriage? No. Put up with all kinds of emotional grief or even abuse? No. True forgiveness does not mean that behavior in the world won’t change. It can and does. There is a transition from a bad dream to a happy dream – one of joy, peace and love. For that to happen, we need to forgive – which is to say, we need to learn how to see past the error to the perfection, to bring our shortcomings (our fears, our exaggerated needs, our angers, all of it) to the Holy Spirit or Jesus and ask them to help us forgive it.

But if we do leave – if we do move on – it’s not out of anger or a desire to avenge ourselves. It’s done in a forgiving way, which is a loving way.

So yes. God forgives adultery. But are you ready to forgive? Are you ready to be the loving Child of God that you are in truth?

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{ 25 comments… add one }

  • s. c. July 24, 2011, 8:47 am

    thank you for this information on forgiveness of adultery. i was unfaithful and i have since realized my error and have sought true forgiveness from God. I have been plagued by the niggling doubt that i deserve it though. God told me that i also needed to forgive myself. that even though he offers mercy and forgiveness when i sincerely repent of my sins, that if i dont forgive myself i will never truly move away from the feelings of guilt. i am glad that God can forgive me. it makes me happy to know i serve a God who gives second chances. my prayer is that my husband will forgive me too.

    • Sean July 24, 2011, 5:37 pm

      You’re welcome, s.c. Good luck with your husband. I think self-forgiveness clears the way for a lot of healing – not just in ourselves but in the people around us, too. And I truly believe that with God, all things are possible.

  • A.J. November 4, 2011, 6:34 pm

    As a course student, the biggest challenge I have ever faced in terms of forgivness, was my father leaving my mother for another woman after 33 years of marriage. I have struggled and struggled to forgive, but haven’t been able to. Even as a long term course student, my ego has not allowed me to let this one go. This is the first thing I’ve ever written that tackles infidelity from a course perspective. It is helping me. Thank you.

    • Sean November 5, 2011, 3:53 am

      You’re welcome, A.J. I’m glad it was helpful.

      Sean

  • l.l. August 9, 2012, 3:58 am

    This information has really helped me. I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years and I made a huge mistake and cheated on my husband. We were having some problems and I felt very unappreciated and so many times things felt lonely and cold. I felt like he wasn’t hearing me.even after times of begging and pleading I felt he didn’t care and and things would not get better. I ran into an ex and of course he paid me so much attention and it just felt good to feel wanted and loved. He gave me real companionship which was what I needed. I SOON came to my senses and cut things off. I am a Christian so I knew it was wrong. I guess I just had a weak moment from being upset so much. My husband and I are a lot better but he doesn’t know. I have asked God to forgive me but sometimes it seems the guilt is so heavy. I sometimes even feel like people can just look at me and they know! I had really been questioning if God forgave adultery but now I know!!!

    • Sean Reagan August 10, 2012, 1:27 am

      Hi I.I.

      Thank you for sharing – I’m glad the post was helpful. I do think the hard part is accepting God’s forgiveness – we are much harder on ourselves that God ever would be. I’m glad the marriage is feeling stronger to you now. Maybe this had to happen in order for you see with true clarity and gratitude the gift of your husband and marriage. We all make mistakes. Thanks again!

      ~Sean

  • Diana November 6, 2012, 4:00 pm

    Hi Sean,

    Your article is incredibly enlightening and does a fabulous job of explaining the heady concept of forgiveness. I am still trying to wrap my brain around it!

    I think I understand most of your interpretation of the ACIM’s view on forgiveness, especially as it pertains to adultery. Would you be able to shed light on the following part of your post:

    “Are you trying to “forgive” a partner who has committed adultery? Don’t separate your self from her or him. It’s you.”

    What did you mean by the spouse not separating himself from the wife who cheated? Why wouldn’t the non-cheating spouse’s anger be justified? What has he done to attract that kind of mistreatment?

    Thanks so much!

    Diana

    • Sean Reagan November 7, 2012, 11:55 am

      Hi Diana,

      Thanks for the kind words. And for a great question. It really gets to the heart of what is so challenging about forgiveness and A Course in Miracles.

      Please forgive a long-winded answer!

      On the level of the body – literally our physical bodies, as well as our psychological selves – yes, it is hard to see how the non-cheating spouse would not feel both aggrieved and justified in feeling that way. They are the one who has been wronged! I think most of us would feel that way – embarrassed, angry, confused. Torn between visiting a counselor and a good divorce lawyer.

      But however justified all that seems to be – however natural it seems to be – there is no peace in it. Certainly not the deep interior peace of God, the peace that “surpasses understanding.” And that is the peace we want – that is the peace we dimly remember, like a song heard long ago, and want more than anything. What in the world offers it to us? Nothing. All of it – from the perfect cheesecake to the perfect marriage to the perfect sunset – is simply a dream that ends in dust and despair, whatever its brief and intermittent joys. Isn’t that true? There is no constancy to the peace and joy the world and our bodies offer – it is always conditional, always at risk.

      This world is a dream that we dream in order to forget – to deny, really – our identity in God. The whole point of the world is to feel guilty and angry and fearful. And it works! We really do think we are these bodies that trudge through the world, hurting others, being hurt ourselves, perhaps eking out a little happiness before death finally swoops in and slams the door forever. When we focused on the world and how unfair and difficult life is, we are not allowing our minds to be healed and returned to God.

      A Course in Miracles – like other spiritual paths and practices – teaches that we are all one: there is no Sean and Diana, no cheating spouse and non-cheating spouse, no good divorce attorney and bad divorce attorney. There is one child of God and we are all it. At that level, there is no such thing as infidelity – how could there be? How could what is one betray itself? THere is no other to betray.

      How do we get to that experience of oneness? How do we see the dream – this world, these lives – for what it is and find our way back to the Peace and Love that is our real inheritance?

      Forgiveness – right seeing. We see the dream for what it is – a dream that we are dreaming in order to deny our home in Love. We are doing it. There is a great line near the end of the ACIM text that captures this.

      The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No mattter what the form of the attack, this still is true . . . Let [the figures in the dream] be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream (T-27.VIII.10:1-2, 6).

      This is what I meant when I wrote that the spouse in that scenario is really looking at themselves – at their projection. The non-cheating spouse – and the cheating spouse, too – are looking at a dream. It is a horrible dream. But they are dreaming it. Nobody does anything to us that we do not want done to us. Good or bad – from cheesecake to infidelity to nuclear war – the world has but one purpose: to distract us from the greater love of which we are forever a part. In truth we are one. In illusion, we hurt and are hurt – sometimes terribly.

      But we don’t have to stay in the illusion. That’s the point. Through forgiveness, we can escape it.

      None of that, by the way, is to suggest that one or the other spouse shouldn’t contact a counselor or a lawyer or a spiritual advisor like their priest or rabbi or whatever. But the course offers a way to use the seeming experience of infidelity to go deeper than simply healing a marriage or starting a new life alone. If we can see the experience for what it is – an opportunity to learn again that we are dreaming a painful exile while in truth we are at home in God – then whatever action we take with regard to the infidelity will come from love or at least the willingness to be loving. We’re hurt and we’re angry but we’re no longer blaming anybody for that. It’s our dream and we aren’t going to dream it anymore. We’re goign to forgive it so that we can remember we are one in God.

      As I said at the outset, this is all very challenging – it is hard to understand and harder still to put into practice! But the rewards are deep and long-lasting. A Course in Miracles isn’t for everybody, but it can be a very practical and helpful way to navigate our lives – the ups and the downs.

      Thank you again for reading and writing Diana!

      ~Sean

      • Diana November 17, 2012, 11:38 am

        Sean,

        Your response is perfect. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain the illusion and perceived separation from God so beautifully. I’ve got it now! :-) Your blog has inspired me to purchase Liz Cronkhite’s translation of The Course.

        Thanks so much again!

        Diana

        • Sean Reagan November 18, 2012, 10:06 am

          You’re welcome, Diana. Thank you again for reading!

          Sean

  • Jeanne November 27, 2012, 2:09 am

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    Pardon me while I ramble on. It’s late and I hope that this makes sense. : )

    I’ve been a follower of ACIM since the mid 90′s. For a few years, I did begin to experience what most people would consider “miracles.” And then I asked God to help me overcome fear. Crazy request. Be careful for what you ask. LOL The only way to prove that you have overcome fear is to have “fearful” things presented to you.

    Anyway, initially, all of the “bad” events that seemed to be coming toward me, went by the wayside. This happened because I kept my right mind and calmly told God to take them away. I didn’t define the events, but instead had the Holy Spirit define them for me. Then things got bigger and more complex. Concurrently, I became really busy with my business. I let the Course and God fall by the wayside as I worked and worked and worked.

    One of those “bigger things” were presented to me in the form of finding physical evidence that my husband had strayed. And it was not subtle, but in my face. To add insult to injury, each of his brothers (and his father) have strayed from their girlfriends/wives.

    Initially I was able to “look past my husband’s error.” But my ego got the best of me after around 4 months had passed. It seems that the dam broke loose and I had not been the good follower of the Course. As time went on, sometimes I did remember that I hold my past against my brothers but as I interacted with people who wanted to hold guilt against others, I get sucked back in to the illusion.

    Sean, you are the first fellow student, who I have come upon, who “gets” the Course. Yes, there are famous authors that do too, but I wanted to find someone who is still down in the trenches and is able to stay awake to our errors. After reading your post and the replies, I’ve awaken again, at least for a few hours.

    Every time I read the Course, it grounds me. But my ego wants to read every other author out there because they may have the answers. : ) But I’ve consistently found what I needed when reading the Course. I hope to reign in my ego and move forward in peace and with the ability to look past error and see everyone as they truly are. I’ve subscribed to your posts and hope that they and Jesus will keep me awake. Many blessings and thanks!!!

    • Sean Reagan November 27, 2012, 7:16 pm

      Hi Jeanne,

      Thanks for writing – I’m glad the site is helpful in some way.

      You are right that asking to be freed from fear is a big request – but what courage to make it! And how exciting, too, to have God respond in such an affirming way. I think the scary stuff that we go through is a gift – however it seems to be terrible or whatever in the eyes of the world, in the eyes of healing – of Jesus – it is simply another opportunity to turn to God instead of the ego. And I think that we fall short sometimes. We have to – that is why we are here and what these experiences are for. Whether on a large scale or a small scale, we forget that we are students, we forget that we are standing beside divine helpers and we forget that God wants only to have us restored to Him. So life gets thorny and hard and we remember.

      I think it is true that we only get so much as we ask for – and that if we can learn from it, then we are okay. Even if it hurts, we’re okay. The course grounds me as well. It has really been the rock that I turn to, even when it seems complex or too poetic or whatnot. It is my way of remembering that I chose to be here and that I am choosing these experiences – good and bad alike – and that what I want most of all is to remember that I remain as God created me, that I remain in the only home I have ever truly known. I am determined to find peace – lasting peace – despite the seeming obstacles, not the least of which is me!

      In the interim, it is always wonderful to have testimony like yours. I admire your courage and willingness! Thanks again for sharing –

      Sean

  • Helen Hayes February 9, 2013, 7:40 pm

    My first time reading your blog, but found it very interesting.

  • dj2011 February 27, 2013, 1:25 pm

    Sean,

    I have to start out by first thanking you for introducing me to ACIM. I have been studying The Course and doing the daily lessons for the past several months because of your site. My sense of awareness and feeling of connectedness and oneness have improved by leaps and bounds. Your blog is a beautiful gift. Thank you for sharing your God-given insight with us all. :-)

    I came across this posting when I Googled “Does God forgive adultery?”

    My question to you is personal and was hoping you could give me the ACIM perspective:

    I had an affair on my husband during the month of September this past year. I was obviously feeling really separate and acting completely from my false self/ ego… otherwise, I would never have done it. The affair is over and after many months of therapy and tons of reading and journaling, I’ve learned that I used it as a way to express a lot of built up rage I’ve accumulated over the years with him.

    My husband is a new student to The Course (he is on lesson 6 or so) and is still very much in his body. All the affair books I’ve read call on the unfaithful partner to empathize and show compassion, which I do and have been doing; to apologize repeatedly and take responsibility for my actions and be a person of integrity, work to prove my trustworthiness, all of which I do as well. However, I’ve moved on from the affair, have established ZERO contact with this other person (frankly, I did not have feelings for him but rather used him to feel better about my own damaged sense of self at the time) and am currently trying to improve my present now by surrendering and deepening my relationship with God, practicing self-forgiveness and trying to see the Christ-child in Others – especially my husband.

    My husband is still very hurt and angry, although he says he has forgiven me. He says “I can forgive, but this will always be present in our relationship and I can’t help thinking about it and how you’ve hurt me. I will never forget.”

    How do I remain compassionate and show the empathy he wants me to show, when I can see plain as day that he is making himself miserable by choosing these thoughts and behaviors himself? I have been loving, I have been patient, I pray constantly and I continue to bless him in all the ways I know how.

    How do I keep this image of his Christ-child when he bombards me with attack after attack. Do I detach? Do I say, I will not engage and pray? Do I just give him a hug? What do I do???? What would Jesus do?

    I know this is a tough question and you are not a relationship expert, but I am desperate to know what the right thing to do is that will not anger or upset him more. When I say things like “choose a different thought,” it sounds cold and unfeeling. And am anything but that.

    Thanks so much in advance, Sean!

    • Sean Reagan February 27, 2013, 7:44 pm

      Hi Diana,

      Thanks for reading and writing. I’m glad you’re finding A Course in Miracles helpful. It really can be such a transforming and healing path. And I’m glad the site is helpful, in its way.

      In terms of dealing with your husband’s response to the situation, I think the answer has to do with projection – why we do it and how we do it.

      The Course teaches that “projection makes perception (T-21.In.1:1).” Thus, whatever we perceive as being out there – be it a delicious double fudge brownie, a gorgeous sunset, an irritated employee or an angry and unforgiving spouse – is nothing more than a reflection of what is going on inside of us.As the Course says:

      “It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition. As a man thinketh, so does he perceive (T-21.In.1:5-6).”

      Needless to say, facing up to that can be a real drag.

      Some of my students (I teach part-time at a local community college) push my buttons. They are lazy, disruptive, unappreciative. I can get in a real funk about it. But inevitably I remember that my perception of their negativity is simply my own baggage projected outward. I don’t want to see myself as lazy, casual, disruptive and so forth and so I project it onto them. They’re the bad ones; not me.

      And then, to complicate matters further, I get annoyed with them because of those negative traits – which are really mine, projected!

      This is true with the small stuff and the big stuff. We look inside, see what we don’t like, project it “out there,” and then get annoyed with how rotten “out there” is.

      I’m not saying that dealing with this is easy. On the contrary. It’s hard. What we see in others is what we put there. That is why forgiveness of others – continual unconditional forgiveness is so helpful. We aren’t really forgiving our students, or our spouses, or our parents – we’re forgiving ourselves.

      So the problem – an aggrieved husband, a whiny student, a bad waiter at dinner – is always in our own mind. There is no way around this. There is no compromise and no short cut. Sometimes I think the Course has no other objective than to get us to finally accept this fact. I have always loved this line: “the secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself (T-27.VIII.10:1).”

      We don’t have to fix the rest of the world; we need simply see in it our own suffering and respond to it as lovingly as possible.

      What does this mean practically? For me, I have to ask Jesus to help me see my projections clearly. It’s an ongoing process. I need to be reminded to do this continually. The nice thing is, when I do see that what is irritating or confounding me in the world and in others is really my own stuff, it sort of naturally resolves. I don’t have to do anything other than be willing to turn it all over to Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

      One of my personal struggles with the Course has always been impatience. Okay Jesus – I’ve dotted every i, crossed every t, gave at the office, raked the neighbor’s leaves, baked a double batch of cookies for the kids, studied the Course . . . and I’m not feeling the peace yet. I’m doing my part; why don’t you do yours?

      Usually when I’m feeling that way it’s because I’ve decided in advance what constitutes peace and joy and what I’m supposed to do to get it. I’ve decided in advance what the miracle is going to be. Maybe for you it’s having your husband conform to some ideal of loving forgiveness right now. And so you jump through all these hoops thinking, okay I’m doing this and I’m doing that, and I’m learning about ACIM and in return he’s going to feel this way and so then I can feel that way . . .

      And it doesn’t work.

      The problem is – and everybody does it – there is no peace possible when we decide what the solution is and then ask Jesus and/or the Holy Spirit to deliver it asap. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the form of your life – your marriage, your career, whatever. I wouldn’t presume to advise you on that. But I can say that when we are unhappy, it’s not because of anything out in the world – our spouse, our work, our kids, the weather, politics, whatever. It’s always because we haven’t given everything over to Jesus. We aren’t trusting the Holy Spirit. We are still listening to the ego. Even if we think we’re not, our unhappiness is the witness that says otherwise.

      And that’s good to know! It’s hard to accept but if we can see it, then we can go even deeper with our healing. We can go to another level. Okay, I’m not happy, it must be I’m still in the space of separation, still listening to the ego, still only faking inner peace. The more we realize the futility of our own efforts and understanding, the more space we can make for divine intervention.

      So . . . just keep on practicing. Keep doing the loving thing. Be as kind as possible. If you talk to Jesus, talk to him. If you meditate, then meditate. Don’t decide in advance, “this is what the unfaithful spouse does,” and “this is how the aggrieved spouse responds.” The whole point is to get away from that and just head towards Love. Love will know what to do and what should happen. And everything you need to know about love really is right in front of you. Everything you need to find peace is right at hand.

      I hope that’s helpful, Diana. You’re welcome to communicate via email (the contact page goes to my home email) if you want to follow up at all. Thanks again!

      Sean

      • dj2011 February 28, 2013, 4:37 am

        I appreciate your response, Sean! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

        Blessings,
        D.

  • Nefertiti Muhammad May 20, 2013, 11:13 pm

    Thank you so much for this post! I’ve never been cheated on or cheated but its like one of my biggest fears to become a bitter wife (or the other woman/cheater out of revenge etc). This helped me learn that whatever experiences I have are the ones I’m creating and that they can be used to wake me up. Feeling better already and asked God for help in seeing things differently.

    Baby Course In Miracles Student

    Nefertiti Muhammad :D

    • Sean Reagan May 22, 2013, 7:02 am

      You’re welcome Nefertiti – I’m glad it was helpful. Thank you for reading & for the kind words.

      Sean

  • john njigwa June 26, 2013, 1:53 pm

    thankyou very much.

  • september love June 30, 2013, 1:32 pm

    I really want to repent my sins for cheating my good husband that is doing everything for me he is away and working for us and i am partying end up cheating him my husband really loves me so much but he believed on never 2nd chances we agree anyone of us will cheat then its the end of our marriage i am 23 and he is 27 i am really guilty to what i did but i really love my husband i pray god to forgive me and i am sincerely want forgiveness from god and will never do it again i dont want to lose my husband so is it ok if i will ask god forgiveness and not anymore confess to my husband?because if i will then i will lose him:’( i really need advice please tell me what if ok not confessing to my husband and just go to a priest and confess that i break my vows and ask for penance:’(

  • september love June 30, 2013, 2:03 pm

    I want to ask forgiveness from god and repent my sins and never do it again i cheated my husband even he is being a very good husband and working far and doing everything for us i am partying and end up cheated my husband is it ok if i just talk to a priest and confess ask for penance? my husband believed no 2nd chance when comes to cheating thats what we agree before when we are still sweetheart and i really regret what i did and feel guilty everyday i want to seek god’s forgiveness but is it ok if i wont confess my husband?because i dont want to lose him and end our marriage because if i will confess it to him then he will end our marriage and i cant lose him is it ok if i just repent my since ask gods forgiveness and never do it again?i really need advice please help me with my problem i am seeking advice to what i did:’( my husband is really good husband and he does not deserved what i did i break my vows i really regret that:’(

    • Sean Reagan June 30, 2013, 7:30 pm

      You know, mistakes happen. We ask God for forgiveness, and God forgives. That is not a question: there are no mistakes we can make that fall outside the capacity of God to forgive. That is really the only action of forgiveness that matters – it’s hard but we have to let go of what happens in the world. Will our spouse forgive us or not, will we forgive ourselves.

      It is good to find friends or family members or professional counselors to help us work through the feelings and take good steps to heal and be whole again.

      If you are a student of A Course in Miracles, there is a lot of good information out there about how to approach the challenge of living as an imperfect person in an imperfect world. This post aims to help shed at least a little light on that. It’s not everybody’s spiritual path – nor does it need to be – but it can be helpful.

      I wish you the best of luck in finding peace.

  • Someone Here July 9, 2013, 12:07 pm

    This article made me feel better. I am not sure how I got here, but it was from a Google search. I felt horrible after committing adultery after I had been served with divorce papers, but I repented and truly asked God for forgiveness. I will not make that mistake again. However, before this happened, my husband was cheating, emotionally abusing me, threatening me and constantly trying to kill himself. His mother did not do anything, but protected her son. I feared for my safety and the safety of our unborn child so I left him. After I returned to give him a chance, he was the same, so I left when he caused me to fall down stairs while pregnant. His mother began lies that I was trying to break apart the family and kept telling him to divorce me (it’s her third marriage), and he agreed instead of going to church with me. One day, a minister said God would take my unborn baby if I couldn’t show I’d be a good mother, and because I sinned against God. I had repented for all sins and already had accepted God, I was never going to hurt my son, and planned to raise him as a man of God so I was confused by this. Sadly, our baby passed away and he and his mother used the death to hurt me, kicked me out of the house and did not attend the funeral. I felt my son’s death was God punishing me as the Minister said, so I became suicidal. After going to counseling and seeking help from my church, things got worse. An evangelist said I should have stayed with my husband even if he by how he treated me. She pointed the finger at me like the marriage was all my fault but never said all that my husband and mother in law did to hurt it. A prophet of the church had said God wanted my husband and I together and would help me and heal our marriage but after my husband continued with the divorce, I became discouraged and met a guy I began a relationship with, so that was the first time I had been with someone besides my husband in the marriage. Well, the divorce happened and my husband is now with one of the women he cheated on me with. The Evangelist said because I committed adultery, now God is not going to fix my marriage. I felt it was all my fault so I had repented again and was going to spend my whole life praying for healing by the Prophet’s words. That is a lie, I messed up with my actions, but God does not change his mind. God forgives us of all sin, so the Evangelist was false in her statement. As for the Prophet, I asked her that I thought God would heal my marriage and now she said pray for God’s will, let go of those who hurt me, and live my life full now. She said discord caused for a reconciliation not to take place, but God gives new life to hearts of stone and changes them into hearts of flesh. Discord is not going to stop God’s will, so I don’t get her! I began to question that church, like how some members made me feel bad I couldn’t speak in tongues, which also goes against the word. Not all are gifted with tongues. In addition, the Apostle of the church said Jesus was not a kind man, and was ugly in appearance. If Jesus is not kind, he would have never saved the woman from being stoned, cast out the demons, healed and raised, performed miracles of God and died for our salvation! I spoke with another member of the church who said she left because she felt they would become upset if she didn’t do what they wanted. When my school term ended, I was going to move back with my family for a few months to visit before the next term, and the church wanted me to stay. They said, “I know you miss home, but you have no spiritual accountability, and you will fall into darkness, we are your family. Stay here, get training and get connected.” After all of this, I feel like Job, but I know God loves me and is opening my eyes to the truth that my sins are forgiven.

    • Jeanne August 16, 2013, 3:58 pm

      My heart goes out to you. God is Good. He is Love. He is All. Logic should allow us to see that a Power that is so huge would not need to take revenge on us for our mistakes. There are many people (most) who believe that we get punished for our misdeeds. We do not. There are many reasons why you have lost your child, but God doesn’t use us to punish each other. It would be like saying that God sent you a husband who would abuse you, to do God’s punishing. Or on a much simpler example, God caused you to stub your toe because He wants to punish you for something.

      You were probably brought up with certain beliefs, within a certain religion. As a baby and child, you had no choice. Your parents followed a given belief and you were brought up to do the same. Your parents probably didn’t have a choice either, nor their parents. It’s the blind leading the blind down paths of untruths. But now you are an adult. You get to decide if what the heads of your church (and mother-in- law) say, sounds like something God would say. Keep in mind that you believe that, “God loves me and is opening my eyes to the truth that my sins are forgiven” and “God does not change his mind.” This is very true. Take those words to heart. You already know the truth. You are wrestling with the “authorities” of your church, but you already answered your own question.

      Ask God to help you change your perceptions of the world. Ask Him to show you His Truth. Ask God to teach you to Love (everyone, even your mother-in-law and husband) like he does. Keep in mind that humans project our unholy attributes on to God. For the most part, we act broken because we think we are broken. But God made us Whole and Holy. Most of us have not figured that out yet.

      I am so sorry for your loss. The main reason bad things happen to us is because we lose our connection with God. Then we become afraid which is a state of hell. Then hellish things happen. But all you need to do is to calm yourself for a few seconds, become really calm. Then ask God the questions that I outlined above.

      Be mindful of this quote from John 9:1-3. As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” In other words, God did not punish him or his parents. He was using the blind man to bring everyone closer to God. God did not cause the blindness either but since the blind man was there, He used him to help us to understand God’s Love better. God did not send to you an abusive husband, abusive minister, abusive mother-in-law, adultery or the death of your child. These things happened. But God can make use of them to bring you closer to Him.

      My love and prayers go with you.

      Jeanne

  • Jackie July 17, 2014, 7:13 am

    i enjoy. I`ve married 40 years to a man that a serial_adultery. It has open my eye through pray and faith. It not your sin , it there `s never walk around feel sorry you did not sin . Why.walk feeling hurt oh somebody else sin . Ask god he walk you through raise to new level. You just stay in faith god loves you. From day one the devil has want you to break this vow to god . We never remember our vow for bad or good. When bad come we run we make excuse . You not going to find no one without sin, we all are sinner . It just you can see it . Fall on knee ask walk you through. God wait, if you walk way then satan has won. He working over time we all are hide some sin nobody perfect they human. Forgive them and walk through tempation . God forgive us he work out you have to beleive keep in faith .

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