Sean Reagan

It can be but myself I crucify.

This is a more acute phrasing of the standard ACIM teaching that the secret to salvation is that we are doing this – causing suffering by accepting the ego’s interpretation of self and world – to ourselves (T-27.VIII.10:1). The great lie of projection is that we can avoid the effects of that which is projected. But the willingness to dissociate at all begins and ends with a self in pain.

Projection may hide the suffering but it cannot heal the suffering.

The alternative – the other way to which Bill Thetford so helpfully referred, effectively inaugurating A Course in Miracles – relies on letting go of the insane (and thus unhelpful) idea that “to attack a brother saves yourself” (W-pI.196.1:3). This new way of being involves laying aside the defense of projection, and seeking instead “another way.”

When we decide to challenge the effectiveness of projection – when we make a practice of refusing to indulge its false promise of escapism – then we let go of the ego’s lies. We stop believing them, and we stop sharing them. Truth naturally arises to take the place of distortion and confusion. The truth needs no interpretation. The acceptance of truth – and the quiet, sustainable peace and joy that are the natural effects of this acceptance – are the work of an instant when we consent to get out of the way.

It is not time we need for this. It is but willingness. For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done in just one instant by the grace of God (W-pI.196.4:3-5).

What, then, is crucifixion? We are not literally talking about being nailed to a cross, strangling to death in the hot sun outside Jerusalem. Or Boston or Berlin. To what is the Course referring?

In the context of this lesson, crucifixion refers to our insistence on believing – against all the evidence of our senses, against all the logic of our mind – the mistaken idea that salvation lies in holding another responsible for what we are doing. It is our own interpretation of the appearance and experience of the outer world that bring us suffering. It is not something our brothers and sisters are doing, no matter how that might appear to be the case in the ego’s version of reality.

When we do not accept responsibility, but instead project it – and thus percieve a world in which others (parents, priests, teachers, religious zealots, even climate change) are responsible for our suffering, then we are effectively crucifying ourselves. We are depriving ourselves of our own capacity for salvation, which lies in choosing to accept the Holy Spirit’s interpretation of the world rather than ego’s.

The ego blames others, and pretends that in doing so we are exonerated. But the Holy Spirit teaches us that there is no cause for blame anywhere in the system, thus freeing us to examine our thought system without fear, discarding what does not work, and keeping what does.

In this way, we are able to penetrate the ego’s empty logic and ask if the God of Love could allow a world to exist in which suffering and sacrifice are the norm? What but fear and hate could make such a world? And when we can say, no, that’s not how God thinks and it’s not how God creates, then we can begin to see that it’s our projection that make up that world.

And we can begin to imagine – and bring forth – an alternative that A Course in Miracles calls a happy dream.

The problem is not that we blame others, in the end. The problem is that we do not see that we blame others. We deny our culpability, which is to be crucified.

Why do we do this?

Beneath the blame and denial lies the simple fact that we fear God. That is what we don’t want to look at, and that is why we have to work our way through the many psychological layers – letting go of assigning cause to the exterior, accepting responsibility for what we are doing, and then gazing directly at our fear of God.

If it can be but you you crucify, you did not hurt the world, and need not fear its vengeance and pursuit. Nor need you hide in terror from the deadly fear of God projection hides behind . . . You have sought to be both weak and strong, because you feared your strength and freedom. Yet salvation lies in them (W-pI.196.9:2-3, 7-8).

When we cannot see that we are the one we fear, then our mind splits, and we dwell forever in the horror and chaos of separation. We think it is the other we have to defend against, and so God – because He has allowed this grim situation to occur, indeed, has enabled it in creation – becomes an object of fear as well.

There is – there is always – another way.

All we have to do is accept that the appearance of the external horror show is our own doing, and that it can be undone in an instant, simply by asking the Voice for God to think for us, to interpret for us, and to guide the rhythm of our living accordingly.

This is not easy! Yet the lesson assures us that we are do not have to work it out alone.

There is no Thought of God that does not go with you to help you reach that instant, and to go beyond it quickly, surely and forever. When the fear of God is gone, there are no obstacles that still remain between you and the holy peace of God (W-pI.196.12:1-2).

That is a sweet promise! And it can inform our practice today, allowing us to tap deep reservoirs of willingness as we confront the external world not as the cause of our suffering, but as a outside picture of an interior condition for which we are responsible.

Just as suffering arises in us, so to does our salvation (W-pI.196.12:6). And that is a comforting thought, if we are ready to be comforted.

←Lesson 195
Lesson 197→

A Course in Miracles revolves around the idea that salvation – ours and the world’s – is found in our ability to recognize and embrace our true identity as extensions of God in Creation, which identity is far beyond the ego’s limited perception.

On this view, the statement “salvation of the world depends on me” becomes a declaration of our function. Our personal salvation is inextricably yoked to our responsibility to save the world. Salvation is not personal but collective. It extends beyond the domain of body-identification. And it calls for humility and acceptance.

Let us not fight our function. We did not establish it. It is not our idea. The means are given to us by which it will be perfectly accomplished. All that we are asked to do is accept our part in genuine humility, and not deny with self-deceiving arrogance that we are not worthy (W-pI.186.2:1-5).

Thus, the Course is emphasizing that healing and redemption begin with us – they take form with us, they are enacted in and by us – but they are not separate from the salvational work of all our brothers and sisters. The collective state of the world is a reflection of our inner peace, ours and everyone else’s. As we allow ourselves to be healed by the Holy Spirit, surrendering ego-driven thoughts and judgments, the world’s healing is simultaneously accomplished.

It is fair to say that salvation – which, again, is healing, which is simply the recognition of wholeness – depends on our capacity to recognize and give attention only to the Holy Spirit. At first this is difficult and onerous, but in time we learn it is the source of calm productivity.

If God’s Voice assures that you that salvation needs your part, and the whole depends on you, be sure that it is so . . . the humble are free to hear the Voice which tells them what they are, and what to do (W-pI.186.6:4, 6).

The temptation is to feel belittled. Can salvation truly depend on, you know, giving up grievances? Being a kinder, gentler father and brother? A less-dramatic co-worker? Serving others rather than demanding or expecting that they serve us?

What about the bright lights of spirit? What about ascended masters? What about the razzle-dazzle of this or that guru or teacher?

All those without exception are the fever dreams of ego, the false self with which we identify, whose argument that we are vulnerable sinners has become second nature. Yet even this will be undone, simply because it is not real. Separation is an illusion! This is all the Holy Spirit really teaches us. And as we learn it, we learn how to create the way God in Heaven creates.

. . . your truly given function stands out clear and wholly unambiguous. There is no doubt of its validity. It comes from One Who knows no error and His Voice is certain of Its messages. They will not change, nor be in conflict (W-pI.186.11:1-4).

This is the clarity that accepting our function provides for us. We remember our true identity as eternal and loving, wholly united with Creator and Creation, and capable only of Love. Forgiveness becomes our practice as naturally as holding grievances once did.

Forgiveness allows us to let go of ego-based beliefs and judgments and allow recognition of our oneness in and with God to become the whole light of awareness. When we forgive, we cultivate a state of mind that is aligned with love, peace, and truth. The inseperability of God’s Will and our will becomes our strength.

Acceptance and obedience are similar. We tend to reject obedience; we may not be the driver of the bus but nobody is going to tell us where to sit. Yet obeying God is the very means by which our joy is completed, because it reflects our total unconditional acceptance of God’s goodness.

His gentle Voice is calling from the known to the unknowing. He would comfort you, although He knows no sorrow. He would make restitution, though He is complete; a gift to you, although He knows that you have everything already (W-pI.186.13:1-2).

Ego’s voice is characterized by fear, judgment, and separation. The Holy Spirit, who is the Voice for God to which this lesson refers, speaks the language of love, unity, and peace. By becoming aware of the ego’s thought system and choosing to align instead with the Voice for God, we naturally perform miracles – shifts in perception by which the salvation of the world is accomplished.

Love is the way I walk in gratitude.

In the world’s eyes, we are grateful when – comparing ourselves to others – we are thankful because we are not suffering the way they are, we have more than they have, et cetera. We don’t live in a war zone, we aren’t subject to famine. A tornado didn’t just pass through. It’s not that we wish these things on others. It’s that we don’t wish them on us.

But this is incoherent. How can the fact that others suffer more than us make us happy? How we can be thankful at all when suffering is present anywhere to any degree?

Hence the brutal judgment – and the inevitable fragmentation – of “there but for the grace of God go I.”

It is hard to imagine a more unfair characterization of God and Love.

Fortunately, there is – because there is always – another way.

It is insane to offer thanks because of suffering. But it is equally insane to fail in gratitude to One Who offers you the certain means whereby all pain is healed, and suffering replaced with laughter and with happiness (W-pI.195.2:1-2).

In other words, the distorted interpretation of perception offered by the ego forces us into a state of competition with our brothers and sisters – which competition is premised on scarcity – and denies the existence of God, Who is our Salvation.

But the Holy Spirit offers us the alternative – gratitude for the One Who can show us the way out of suffering and into joy and happiness.

When we can effectively discern between these two voices and ways of thinking, then we naturally lean into the one that brings us peace by exposing the other’s tyrranical use of guilt to keep us fearful and alone.

To know the Voice for God is to know the cause for eternal thankfulness.

In essence, the Holy Spirit teaches us that Love is the answer to all our so-called problems and that only Love is real. We can elect to see the world through the eyes of Love – which is the Holy Spirit – or through the eyes of fear, which is the all-too-familiar mode of ego.

Love does not compare, because Love does not recognizes any differences upon which judgment can rest (W-pI.195.4:2). Thus, the very concept of value is foreign to Love. When we commit to learning only from the Teacher of Love, then we accept the undoing of differences that Love entails. The end of differences is not the end of the self, but it is the beginning of the freedom and creativity in which and by which we remember our oneness with God.

Gratitude is yoked to Love because Love undoes the differences upon which our fear of loss, suffering and death are premised. What is not different is the same. This is not merely a statement about our own condition; it is a statement about the collective, about all our brothers and sisters, broadly defined to include whales and tulips and dragonflies. To exclude even a single one is to forget the cause for joy and peace.

. . . let your gratitude make room for all who will escape with you; the sick, the weak, the needy and afraid, and those who mourn a seeming loss or feel apparent pain, who suffer cold or hunger, or who walk the way of hatred and the path of death. All these go with you (W-pI.195.5:2-3).

Perhaps it is easy to imagine a blue whale or a solitary moose sharing salvation with us. Perhaps it is easy to imagine horses or dogs partaking of Love with us. But it is harder to imagine a serial killer or a rapist. It is harder to imagine an arms dealer or a racist.

But A Course in Miracles insists that our gratitude extend even unto those we would exclude – perhaps especially those we would exclude.

Let us not compare ourselves with [our brothers and sisters], or thus we split them off from our awareness of the unity we share them, as they with us . . . We thank our Father for one thing alone; that we are separate from no living thing, and therefore one with Him (W-pI.195.5:4, 6:1).

Love holds everything, and we give thanks for all of it – otherwise our thanks is hollow (W-pI.195.6:3).

This lesson is reminsiscent of the eighteenth principle of miracles, which teaches us miracles are the “maximal service” we can render to our brothers and sisters (T-1.I.18:2). The miracle establishes our equality with all life, with all Creation, and we rejoice accordingly.

Tara Singh, who considered Helen Schucman one of his spiritual teachers, often talked about her insistence that he keep a gratitude journal, and remain always in contact with the many reasons to be grateful and thus to truly walk – and not just talk about – “the way of love” (W-pI.195.8:1).

When we are grateful for all things, and when we remember – and act in remembrance of – the fact that Love holds all things equally, because it recognizes only their sameness, then we are gently and naturally restored to our true identity in God, because we no longer fear God. We no longer need to exclude this person or that idea from Love. Our gratitude becomes as close to unconditional as it is possible to get in the human frame and narrative. It has surrendered the personal prerogative of judgment, and walks gently with the Spirit that infuses the Mind we share with Jesus, ever teaching us to become Christ.

Who loves this way, remembers Love. And who loves this way remembers that God loves us all and calls us His Child – what more could we ask for?

Gratitude goes hand in hand with love, and where one is the other must be found. For gratitude is but an aspect of the Love which is the Source of all Creation. God gives thanks to you . . . (W-pI.195.10:2-4).

Love is the answer to all our so-called problems because only Love is real. When we accept our responsibility to see as Christ sees and to not see as Christ does not see, then the illusion of the separate self and world in which it forges its own survival are undone and we remember our unity in creation. Together we share the one Love that creates us equal.

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